Day 612 Wonderful Support and Speaking Twice Today

Day 612

Wonderful Support and Speaking Twice Today

Thank you so much for the outpouring of encouragement for my friend Nathaniel! I know that he's read every single word you've written. Nathaniel, these people are real and their blogs offer wonderful insight and inspiration---and I guarantee you will find strength in the common struggles and triumphs we all share. The weight loss blogging community is an amazing support system. I know several people encouraged you to start a blog, and if you decide to�let me know if I can help, it's easy, and the accountability factor coupled with the tremendous support can be the added boost you need each day. You certainly don't have to blog to get the best benefit of all. You can simply keep a journal. Writing something everyday, about how you're feeling and what you're experiencing will lead to a better understanding of you. You'll have epiphanies along the way that happen because of this self-discovery writing. So blog or not, at the very least grab a pen and paper and write out how you feel, what you're doing, what you've done, why you've done it, and don't forget to dream about where you're headed!

My best advice to you Nathaniel is to keep it simple by focusing on two things: Your calorie budget and some kind of extra movement everyday. Stay consistent with these two elements everyday---and the third element---battle yourself to stay true to them. You're in a very critical stage of this journey, the toughest, but trust me, it gets easier as you go. Never stop dreaming Nathaniel, remember the things we talked about the other night, those events and goals you mentioned---hold tight to them and believe in yourself. I believe in you. And listen, you have my number. Use it anytime if you need, I'm here for you my friend.

Today was a busy Thursday. It seems everyday is busy lately. I started with a solid morning routine and I really needed that after yesterday's frantic start. The foundation was set for a great day. I had a full work day and two speaking engagements scheduled. Very nice!

A friend of mine offered to let me try something called Triple Greens today. It's a drink mix full of everything good and she naturally and enthusiastically shared it with me. I'll be honest, I haven't tried it yet, but I will�and it may become something I include everyday. Some good stuff in that green drink mix! It might be just the boost I need! I plan on trying it for the first time later today---and I'll be sure to record the experience and share it with an �On The Go� Video. I haven't done one of those in a long while. Look for that tomorrow!

I was scheduled to speak to an after-school care youth group at 4:15 today. I really should have asked a few more questions about the ages prior to my arrival. I was expecting pre-teen through teens---and what I found was a delightful group ranging in age from kindergarten to 8th or 9th grade. I was asked to speak to them about making better choices this summer and that's exactly what I did. We talked about choices and consequences in general and how we're responsible for our choices. I spoke to them about my childhood and how my choices led to morbid obesity. They all about fell over when I held up the size 64 jeans. I could have had three or four of them jump into those things and fit! I explained that good choices didn't mean perfect choices, it just meant better choices along the way. Being aware of our activity levels and occasionally choosing a piece of fruit instead of a candy bar was the spirit of this talk. These kids really had some good questions too, they were a great group of kids, really engaging, very smart. It was a wonderful experience indeed.

Tonight's �Lose To Win� seminar featured the lead dietitian from Ponca City Medical Center. She put together some wonderful hand outs that were full of great information. After her presentation, I was asked to speak for a few minutes. My message was: Keep it simple. So many times we get caught up in over analyzing everything---fat grams, sodium, calories burned---weighing constantly�it can easily become overwhelming. Keep it simple and allow yourself to naturally evolve along this road. Part of battling ourselves to stay on track is trying to keep ourselves from making things unnecessarily difficult and confusing. On Day 1 I was focused on three things only. Staying within my calorie budget, exercising, and talking myself out of self-destructing. Consistency is paramount---and it was so much easier this way. Eat, move, and battle myself to stay on track, the rest would come naturally as I progressed.

I arrived home and consulted my workout schedule. It was easy---a bike ride. I can do that! I prepared a nice dinner with grilled shrimp, cinnamon chicken, and green beans---enjoyed it, then set out on what probably was a five mile bike ride. It didn't take that long really---and it was so cool outside, it felt amazing. It was just a wonderful day. Busy, but rewarding.

Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


When I drive, I just can't get over my skinny wrist. I never wore bracelets or watches because they didn't look right on my extremely puffy wrist---but now I look at it, and I'm thrilled. I know---something so small---but it is a big deal to me.


This little darling is Jo Jo, my niece. This was from my visit with company last night. She's so precious!

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Day 611 A "Fasten Your Seatbelt" Kind of Day and Meet Nathaniel

Day 611

A �Fasten Your Seatbelt� Kind of Day and Meet Nathaniel

Some mornings casually unfold in a very relaxed way. I get up, start coffee, do my non-weighted strength training exercises, cook breakfast�you know, the normal routine. Then there are mornings like this---I wake up late to a flashing alarm clock (must get a battery for backup), a raging thunderstorm, and a phone call telling me that two stations are off the air. Ten seconds ago I was dreaming and now I'm instructing a newbie on how to get one of the stations back on while I'm calling the remote control computer of the other transmitter in an effort to get it back up and on. Thank goodness it all worked quickly and within a few minutes I was dressed and racing for the door. I hate starting my day like this. I don't like the rush, I miss breakfast, and my coffee---I want my coffee! I did grab a bag of fresh fruit before opening the door to a torrential downpour. I park about fifty yards away. I paused for just a moment, then reminded myself that I now have the option of running, this could be fun. I flew down the stairs and ran to my vehicle, splashing all the way. I was still soaked�but it felt so good to be able to run through a rain storm, I didn't care. I needed a shower anyway.

No time for a quick drive-thru coffee and scrambled eggs---it was straight to the studio and into the chair---pull the microphone close, key it as I'm handed the latest details of the severe storm---and there I am---not a drop of coffee in me---awake for mere minutes, and somehow we're on the air advising people of the storm. Many of our listeners are probably in the same rush I was just minutes ago, as they listen to the reports of flash flooding and large hail. I have no idea how I did this at 505 pounds. I guess I did, but probably not as well. It was a team effort for sure and I'm just happy to be a more productive member. 251 pounds ago, I probably would have just called in sick...because I was.

It was a very busy morning and it was going to be a packed day. I found time to run home not long after my show for a shower and change of clothes, oh, and some protein! I prepared a big hearty breakfast burrito. With two whole eggs, mushrooms, green peppers, and fifty calories worth of mozzarella. The entire burrito was 285 calories, and worth every single one.

The plan for this afternoon was simple really. I was scheduled for my Wednesday afternoon 3 to 7pm broadcast from the casino. Working out today would have to wait until after. I picked up the remote broadcast vehicle and immediately noticed I needed to fill up. I never know when I'm going to experience something really cool these days. Some of the best unexpected experiences happen when I run into someone I haven't seen in forever. I walked into the convenience store to sign for the gas, started talking to the cashier, when all of a sudden the guy behind me starts freaking out. �Sean Anderson? Is that you? Oh my gosh---my wife said she saw you the other day and you looked completely different, and you do, like a completely different person!� It was a guy who had worked on our central air unit at our old house a few years ago. �How did you do it?� I told him the quick answer, �I just eat responsibly with smaller portions, count the calories and exercise.� Of course, you and I know the long answer has less to do with food and exercise and everything to do with our brains. But in line at the convenience store isn't the time to start talking about motivating thoughts, �iron-clad decisions,� and the �Steel Curtain Zone.� It was a delightful �wow� reaction to experience and it really lifted my spirits. What a wonderful boost!

I quickly drove to the apartment for a bite to eat before hurrying off to my afternoon broadcast. I look forward to this really, because I know I'll get to see Nathaniel. Nathaniel is the young man I've recently talked about here. He's in the beginning days of his journey and any words of encouragement you could offer him would be well received I'm sure. I talk to him and I see the old me looking back. The same kind of hopes and dreams, the same fears, and the same struggles I battled for so many years---he's right there where I was. I understand him and he understands me on that level. He's doing well, but admitted that it is a very tough struggle some days. I told him to meditate on those motivating thoughts and battle that inner voice that says it can't be done. You've got to fight Nathaniel! We are our own worst enemy�battle yourself and win my friend! Keep it as simple as possible. Protect your calorie budget and do whatever you can in terms of extra movement for exercise. I tell him of the freedom that awaits down this road---and it's so hard to describe sometimes. And maybe it sounds so far away for you my friend. But it's not that far. Just keep it simple and honest---and consistent. You're on the way and I'm so happy for you! We snapped a picture together---I really wish we would have had someone snap it for us. We will another time for sure. Nathaniel is super excited about the �Lose To Win� Challenge---and he's even trying to re-arrange his schedule to make some of the seminars. I'll be seeing you there my friend!

Storms were raging not far away by the time I finished the broadcast. Gayle was on the air and handling it when I called to check in. She was watching it and advised that I could monitor later for a possible activation tonight. So now I had to decide. Do I skip the workout, hurry home, eat something---then go to bed for a few hours before getting up to check the radar? Luckily it didn't come to that. The storms were moving further away without further development. I decided to hurry home, change clothes, and get my behind to the YMCA for a quick weight training session. But then something unexpected happened. Company came knocking. It was my sister in law, her husband, and their little darling Jo Jo. I hardly ever see them anymore---so a snap decision was made. I would visit, put this hectic day behind me, get some rest tonight, and workout tomorrow. It was all good.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


I was holding the camera. Next time we'll have someone snap it for us! If you have time---please offer some encouraging words for Nathaniel!

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Day 610 Making It Easier With Time Adjusted Attitude and A Big Lunch

Day 610

Making It Easier With Time Adjusted Attitude and A Big Lunch

Time management has been a constant issue for me over the course of this journey. Finding time to get everything done that I want to do isn't really the issue, because there's time. The issue is using that time wisely and that means applying good choices to more than just my food and exercise. Good schedule choices are paramount to me and my situation. It's the key to me getting more sleep and it's the key to me being more productive. Those two things together help shape my attitude and daily focus. Attitude really is everything---it's what we feed our brains, and our actions and choices live and die by the attitude we carry. I've figured out that this attitude must be constantly adjusted in a positive direction to keep everything consistent. When my attitude is bad---that's when I struggle along this road. That's when I battle the part of me that tries to revert to old ways and choices. Keeping a better schedule and using my time wisely takes a little effort, but the effect it has on my performance means it takes less effort to stay focused.

I enjoyed a mushroom and salsa omelet this morning, minus the cheese. I love cheese, but I'm trying to limit my consumption---I don't need cheese on every single omelet I eat. The flavor focus was on the salsa this morning anyway. The advantages to my calorie budget was nice too. Instead of a 200 calorie omelet, I consumed a 131 calorie omelet. I grabbed a pear and banana and was out the door. I made lunch at home and oh---it was so good! I should have snapped a picture! I decided on a 500 calorie lunch today because I could afford it after the low calorie breakfast. I made a double hamburger and baked fries with ketchup! I bought some �mini hamburger patties,� not the leanest cut, but only 120 calorie each. I used a small hamburger bun, mustard, shredded lettuce, and fresh onion. The bun was also 120 calories. 360 calories plus I added 10 for the mustard and veggies. So, 370 calories for the big double burger, plus � of a serving of baked fries for 80 and about 40 calories worth of ketchup. It was an amazing 490 calorie lunch---and it was something different. I could have easily adjusted this down by using only one patty, mustard instead of ketchup for the fries, and a slice of low calorie bread ripped in half instead of a bun. Those changes would have dropped the calories by 230, making a double hamburger with veggies and baked fries a really low 260 calories. A few choices the other way---adding cheese and mayonnaise---and we're talking a nearly 700 calorie plate---and I just couldn't do that. But you see, it's all about my choices and my calorie budget at the moment. I'm ready and willing to make the cuts needed or allow a little indulgence. A double hamburger and baked fries felt really indulgent and still fit nicely into my calorie budget today.

Irene and I attended a co-parenting in divorce class tonight. We've really come a long way in the last few months. We enjoyed the class really, even smiled and passed notes at one point. It was like we were back in high school again. We both want the best for Amber and Courtney and each other. The love and bond we share for our daughters ensures us a lifelong relationship. It's good that we're friendly like that. The understanding between us now is remarkable and after class we had a productive discussion about our daughters and what is best for them in this situation. I normally don't mention the divorce proceedings in these writings, but we're clearly on a better level now. If there's such a thing as a friendly divorce, this is it.

I arrived back at the apartment rather late and immediately changed into my bike riding outfit. I planned on riding to the trail for a 5K, then ride back. I modified that plan a little. I decided to ride over to the movie theater parking lot, get off the bike, run sprints back and forth, then ride back home. I know I must have been getting strange looks, but I really didn't care. I was in my own little world. The sprints were very short, we'll call them 40 yard dashes---but after only five of them, running as fast as I could, I was spent. My heart was racing, I was sweating like crazy, yeah---to the sounds of Green Day. It was a little different plan than my original---but still a good workout.

I traveled back to May 18th, 2009 and found this excerpt that answers the question: Is it ever too late? Unfortunately, the answer is yes. A big horrible yes:

Several times during the last 246 days I may have mentioned that �it's never too late� to get started. I was wrong. A friend of mine just informed me today that his brother-in-law passed away. The primary cause of his decline: morbid obesity. At over 400 pounds, his brother in law just wasn't built to handle the strain. I don't know all the details, but it sounds like most of the possible complications and horrible effects of prolonged morbid obesity finally caught up with him. When the brother-in-law told the doctor last week to let him die, it was too late. Morbid obesity had claimed another victim. Of course my reaction was �can't they put him on a medically supervised fast?� Too late, the damage to the heart and other vital organs was irreparable, his fate was decided no matter what they did. It's a very sad story and a dark warning to anyone that is struggling with morbid obesity. There will come a time when it's too late to have that �someday.� I said �Oh, I'll do it someday� for so long. I'm very lucky that I didn't run out of time. But everyone's fuse is different. I'm very fortunate and I thank God that I didn't take it to the point of no return. I guess the correct thing to say from now on is �it's almost never too late.�

As you read this blog and you begin to understand how my journey has developed day to day, I hope you understand that as easy as I make it sound sometimes, it has been a challenge. For years I weighed in excess of 500 pounds and I was at a very scary place in my mind. I honestly didn't know if I could ever lose the weight. I think my wife started to believe I would never lose the weight, and she's always believed in me, so that's an example of how exhausted she was at wishing and hoping. I was way too busy pretending that I had all the time in the world, rationalizing bad choices at every turn, because �Oh, I have time.� It's way too easy to just not do this. But I've discovered that if you keep it very simple, calories and exercise, and you decide to become 100% honest with yourself about your behaviors with food, then it becomes just as easy to do this. You have to decide. That's it. Just decide to live.

Wow, OK, for someone that's not a big fan of dramatic tones, the last two paragraphs were pretty dramatic. But sometimes you have to get dramatic about things. Because one of the problems that kept me big for so long was not taking it as seriously as I needed. I was Mr. Funny, Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky, Mr. Let's Don't Talk About My Little Weight Problem...and now I know: If you don't take the time to get dramatic with yourself about this journey, then it will eventually get dramatic for you.

That goes back to the whole �Choosing change before change chooses you� topic. It's been a really good Tuesday. Tomorrow the schedule is packed with my Wednesday evening broadcast from the casino. And the weather has the potential to get severe. We'll see how it goes! We'll make it good by golly! Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

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Day 609 Fighting Those Crazy Lazy Thoughts and Full Scale Reflection

Day 609

Fighting Those Crazy Lazy Thoughts and Full Scale Reflection

I wasn't in the mood for eggs this morning. It's strange really. I got over it later, having a mushroom and cheese omelet this afternoon for lunch. This morning I stuck with fruit and I was hungry before lunch. It's unusual for me to ever feel hunger. I eat well and often, always have along this road�-like I've said before, the only time I ever feel hunger is sometimes first thing in the morning. I had a banana, orange, and a pear this morning, spread out over the course of a few hours. My metabolism burned that good stuff up quickly. I was missing protein and by noon I could feel a twinge of hunger.

My wood burning stove needed to be reloaded with some premium wood, enter: The big three egg white/one whole egg mushroom and cheese omelet. I sauted the mushrooms with a light olive oil spray while I whipped up the 121 calories worth of egg, poured it in the pan, added a 60 calorie slice of American cheese---covered and waited for it to cook. I folded over the most amazing 200 calorie omelet. It was exactly what I needed at that moment. It was filling and delicious---and 200 calories!

By the time I arrived home this afternoon, I had just about twenty minutes to spare before I needed to get into the YMCA to claim a bike for spinning class. I'll be honest, I didn't want to go. I kept trying to think of a decent enough excuse to make me feel good about skipping, but I couldn't find one. I was battling myself. Those old lazy thoughts were trying to convince me it was OK to miss. I couldn't let it win. Last Monday we had a deadly tornado outbreak in the state---my job was being on the air reporting on the weather---that's a circumstance I couldn't help, I had to miss. There was nothing I could think of that would let me off the hook today. Why did I even want off the hook? I don't know really. All I know is this: I had to beat these crazy lazy thoughts and get there.

Once there, I wasn't going to turn back, and once on the cycle---it would feel great. It felt even better as the spinning class came to a close. Deanna was the instructor today---and she changes it up every time it seems. I never know what to expect, except for a really good workout. The class was packed and I luckily landed my favorite cycle, number 12---back corner. It was a great class today, but you know what I really liked about it? Glancing down at the contours of my arms gripping the handle bars. Sounds crazy huh? Seriously, I just can't believe this is me
sometimes. Those are my bones, my veins, the outline of my muscles---That's me! I love that feeling.

I traveled back into the archives today and found another excerpt within an excerpt. It was day 245 and I was down to 341 when it hit me: I could weigh anywhere now. Most scales go to 350, right? That's me! I was 341 pounds and so happy about this realization. In this excerpt---I flashed back to the very first weigh day---the last day I ever laid eyes on 505:

One thing that hit me today was the realization that I can weigh myself on pretty much any scale now. I remember what a big problem that use to be, and now at 341, it's not a problem at all. That's nice! Here's another blog flashback to Day 2 of this journey: Believe it or not, I can't find a scale to weigh me anywhere around here. Someone once suggested that I weigh at the farmers co-op! The co-op! Where they weigh truck loads of grain and large animals!! You don't even get to go inside to weigh at the co-op. You just walk onto the platform built into the ground outside, where everyone can see you standing there getting weighed while a truck load of pigs wait their turn. No way will I ever do that. I was even told some time ago that the post-office might be able to weigh me, because �they weigh tons of mail down there�. Facing the truth on a highly precise heavy duty digital scale is a tough but absolute necessary thing for me. I need to know where I'm starting. Some people say they don't need to know, I do. I don't want to guess how much I've lost, I want to know for sure. So I made the forty minute drive to Stillwater, walked in, and quietly walked back to the scale in the hallway. People were down there. I guarantee they'll try to glance at my weight. It's a big digital readout and most people are naturally curious. I guess it really doesn't bother me, as long as they don't start placing bets before I step on. I ignored them and stepped onto the scale. I weighed 505 pounds that day, and 341 sounded like forever away. I remember thinking as I drove away from the Payne County Health Department that day, someday I'll be able to weigh anywhere! That someday is now.

I go back and read those early days and I see the humor I was trying to convey and it worked well. And as the days progressed and we dived deeper into this journey, the funny guy facade broke down and the emotion started to flow---and that's when this blog started to become something different to me. I read the first several days and I know it's real and honest---but still, there were a lot of emotions I was holding back. On that Day 2 when I was staring down at 505---the people around me were really the last thing on my mind. I was scared out of my head. I honestly felt like this was my last chance to save myself from an early death...and I didn't really know how I was going to do it---and make it work this time...I just knew I had to find the answers or die looking. 505 pounds---so scary to see and a weigh day I'll never see again. Now that number is tattooed on my upper left arm forever. I'll never forget the pain and humiliation of being that big, but more importantly, I'll never forget the fear I carried every
day at that weight.

I decided on a meat and potato meal tonight that totally rocked! I invited Courtney over�but mom was already cooking for her, so I cooked for Amber, KL, and me. We enjoyed French Onion crusted chicken breast, loaded mashed potatoes, and whole kernel sweet corn. The chicken breast varied in size from 5 to 8 ounces. I called it 170 calories. The seasoning was a mixture of oregano, dried onions, and finely chopped and dried parsley. I also used a French onion seasoning packet that gave it that crustiness. The potatoes were instant and only 120 calories per serving. The corn checked in at 100. That's right, less than 400 calories for the entire plate! Before you say it---I know, we really needed something green, maybe some grilled asparagus or green beans. The calorie count would have been much better had I gone with those
options. But I wanted to mix the corn in my potatoes---that's just good country eatin' right there! I'm showing my Oklahoma roots!

I fixed the meal and Amber made the desert. We had freshly sliced strawberries and whipped topping. Oh my goodness---the topping was only 25 calories for two tablespoons---I had four tablespoons atop four big thinly sliced strawberries. It was a whole bowl of delicious for under 80 calories.

I'm really happy with how today turned out. I could have really changed the entire dynamic by giving into that lazy urge to stay home from spinning, but I didn't. I did it and I felt amazing---and one good choice leads to another. It can work the other way too---but today, the choices were all good.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Chicken and Taters with sweet corn---it was incredibly good!


Amber's Strawberries and Cream---hard to believe this entire below was just under 80 calories, but it was!

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Day 608 A Good Solid Sunday and Grilled Chicken Pizza Burritos

Day 608

A Good Solid Sunday and Grilled Chicken Pizza Burritos

I woke up today with a very driven attitude. You know what I mean? Everything is clear, it�s been broken down into simple terms. We�re going to exercise and eat well. And we�re going to confidently march toward goal without a slack in the step. Last week was simply a disaster week in the workout department. It seemed that every opportunity was washed away by a circumstance. At least they were circumstances and not excuses�oh wait, maybe I did throw an excuse in there one of those days. Anyway---it�s behind us now.

The plan for this week is pretty simple:

Sunday--(already complete) 5.5 mile bike ride/weight training at YMCA
Monday--Spinning Class at 5:30pm and weight training at YMCA (different muscle groups)
Tuesday--Bike ride and 5K walk/jog
Wednesday--Weight Training and 5K
Thursday--Bike Ride
Friday---Spinning Class at 11:15am and weight training
Saturday---Maybe spinning---or swimming---That's what I'd really like to do...the water!!! But I have to drive 43 miles to get to the pool!!! It would be worth it, I know it would! Or Tennis---I've been talking about tennis for a while---I really need to call my tennis partner and actually do it.
Sunday---Rest Day

I enjoyed a giant 5 egg white omelet with mushrooms, green peppers, and salsa---no cheese. This behemoth of an omelet checked in at a ridiculously low 120 calories and gave me plenty of energy to get a great workout in today. I�ve designated Sunday as a rest day---but I just couldn�t today. I had to get out and move! I decided to ride the bike to the YMCA, do weight training, and then hop back on and ride home. That�s exactly what I did!

I had a strange experience on the way to the YMCA. I was lost in 80�s pop music when I looked behind me for traffic and noticed that a guy who looked rather angry was chasing me down. This can�t be good. His first words to me were �Hey, where did you get that bike?� I swear, I thought he was going to take a swing. His bike had been stolen the day before and he had his eye out for anyone riding on anything that looked like his bike. Lucky for me, he realized it wasn�t his bike and then proceeded to apologize for the bother. Close call! I really thought I was going to have to fight the guy for my bike. In case you haven�t figured it out, I�m not a fighter. I�ve never hit anyone in my life! Peace brother!

After my little confrontation, I made it to the YMCA---hot and sweaty from the ride, and warmed perfectly for some good lifting. I walked into the fitness center and whom did I find? My buddy Brandon was truckin� along on the treadmill! He�s absolutely rocking this �Lose To Win� challenge---I don�t want to even say what he�s lost in the first two weeks---but it�s incredible. He�s so focused. We talked for a few minutes before I started the weights---and he kept on going. I finished my weight training and he was still going. I climbed back on the bike and started the tough ride back.

It is a tough ride back�with lots of hills. I made myself pedal---no matter what, I wasn�t stopping and walking the bike. I was at a snails pace at one point, ok, a couple of points---but I made it all the way home without stopping. I was so beat when I made it back, oh my---totally worked out completely. Felt good!

I prepared some chicken pizza burritos that just rocked. I used two whole wheat-low carb tortillas for 81 calories each, two 50 calorie slices of mozzarella, about 20 calories worth of tomato sauce, and a handful of mushrooms and green peppers. I used one medium sized chicken breast for 150 calories. I put the chicken on the Foreman Grill while I baked the tortillas with the sauce, cheese, and veggies like a pizza. I divided the chicken equally between the two tortillas---then rolled �em both up like burritos. Walla---Chicken Pizza Burritos!!! Incredible---and only 432 calories total!

I spent the later evening with Amber and KL. We watched �Back To The Future,� and enjoyed some low calorie homemade beef tacos for dinner.

Thank you for reading! Goodnight and�

Good Choices,
Sean


432 calories Total and they�re big, with chicken, mozzarella, mushrooms, green pepper, and tomato sauce! Awesome calorie value---and extremely filling!

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Day 607 A Friend Sums It Up Nicely and Can I Explain What I Eat?

Day 607

A Friend Sums It Up Nicely and Can I Explain What I Eat?

Thank you so much for the e-mails and comments on yesterday's peanut butter post. There is a big difference in me in regard to how I handle a situation like that. I was trying to work out the explanation in my mind when Zaa from www.zaaisshrinking.blogspot.com summed it up perfectly:

Big hugs to you Sean. Our new habits lull us into a false sense of security. We have not arrived yet. There are still many dozens of cookies I will bake in the future. Many family dinners I will host, many desserts concocted to take to potlucks. I am going to have to watch myself for the rest of my wonderful life. Am I complaining. NOT ONE BIT.

We all have our moments. You had a moment with peanut butter. I had one with these chocolate peanut butter layered bars with coconut and pecans that I made the other day. Old me? Beat myself up over my 'failure' and 'lack of self-control', declare that I just can't lose weight (why am I EVEN trying when I'm such a loser) and go back to my old habits, gaining more weight in the process. New me? I accept it, adjust my calories, and move on.

I like the new me.
I like your new me too.
I, too, appreciate your honesty. It's what struck me when I first visited this blog last year.

Yeah Zaa, that's it! I like the new me too! And we do react differently to these situations. It's crazy to think that a small little meltdown could be powerful enough to end a journey like this, but I allowed it that power many times in the past. Now? Those once ingrained actions and reactions don't have a chance. This is the new me. I've identified and eradicated those old reactions. I'm loaded with understanding of my past weight loss failures because I've been educated the hard way and now, nothing is as hard as it once seemed. That clarity I speak of all the time, it's real my friend, just ask Zaa---she'll tell you.

Today started in a wonderful way. I jumped up, did my non-weighted exercise routine of squats, push-ups, and sit-ups, paused to feel my abs in that cool new �ab-feeling� position I discovered the other day, fixed coffee, made a nice egg white-mushroom-cheese omelet, and sat down to write. This is the start of a good day, I thought. And it was.

I noticed the peanut butter jar still on the counter. Hmmm, Amber must have thought I was joking when I requested she hide it from me. It's fine---I've learned, I gave in, it will not get me today, better: I will not get me today. Because really---something I identified very early on this road was my number one nemesis: ME. We can be our best friend or our worst enemy, it's completely up to our day to day choices. Fully understanding that psychological dynamic brings home the bottom line around here: Self-honesty, responsibility, and accountability. We choose how this road goes everyday.

Amber and KL joined me for a wonderful musical at NOC tonight. Jeckyll and Hyde was a ReAct production and it was just incredible. The acting, the singing, everything was perfectly intense. The battle between good and evil within all of us was a theme I could relate to in relation to weight loss. It was a wonderful evening indeed.

In reading the post from last year on this date---I was reminded how some people are completely surprised when I tell them about my �nothing is off limits� philosophy. Bonnie isn't the first person to have all of their questions answered by reading the archives. Although it might take a little longer now! From May 15th, 2009:

A comment question on last night's blog came from a reader named Bonnie.

Her question: Can you explain what you eat? You say normal food and normal portions, but what does that mean?

I completely understand that question. For years I wanted to know the magic combination of foods and exactly how much I could have and still lose weight. We're conditioned from an early age to believe that losing weight is a complicated process. So when someone comes along (and I'm not the first-thousands before me) and says �you can eat pretty much anything,� it comes off sounding like a late night weight loss infomercial. I've heard �It can't be that simple,� uh, yes it can! I can remember many of my past weight loss attempts that started by going to the store and buying all kinds of �diet� foods. I'd buy canned chicken chunks, celery, carrots, a huge bag of grapefruits, cottage cheese, and anything else I had heard was good for losing weight. Then, surrounded by stuff I didn't normally eat, or even like, I would get completely discouraged. Keep it simple. Don't make a special trip to the store. Eat what's normal for you, just discover calorie contents and adjust your portion sizes to fit in a reasonable calorie budget.

I remember during a �Lose To Win� seminar, someone asked Melissa Walden about counting carbs and fat grams too, and Melissa responded by telling her that she didn't need to worry about that stuff right now. Keep it simple, count calories, and when you're far enough along you can start getting specific about certain things in an effort to meet particular nutritional goals. That's exactly what's happened to me naturally over the last 243 days. I eat way better than I did in the beginning. I eat more fruits and vegetables and I now make a point to get enough fiber grams (24-26 grams daily!). I didn't make a conscious decision to start making a few healthier choices everyday, it just happened naturally. Let it come to you naturally as you progress.

The first thing I thought of when I read Bonnie's question was, I hope she goes back into the archives and reads throughout this journey, because then she'll discover what I mean by �normal� foods and �normal� portions. I was shocked to discover another comment from Bonnie, nearly 24 hours later---here's what she said:

Hi--I have just finished reading your blog from day one. So, I know the answer to my earlier question. I am totally inspired and totally intimidated at the same time. Thank you for doing this and telling the world that it is possible for a real person.

I am so very impressed with you Bonnie! The whole blog, all 242 post, every single day---you read it all in less than 24 hours? That's very cool! And it makes me feel so honored and proud. Thank you so much Bonnie! Don't let it intimidate you. It's strange I know, because some of the foods I've enjoyed along the way really fly in the face of what we've been taught our entire lives. I knew that the only way to teach myself how to handle food responsibly was to eat regular, everyday, normal foods. You can't learn how to handle food responsibly if you're not handling regular food, right? What do meal replacement diets teach us about handling food in everyday life? Nothing! How are we going to react when the shipments of pre-packaged and portioned foods stop showing up on the doorstep and we're forced to face real world food decisions on our own? Lost. Take that inspiration Bonnie and turn it up! Let it flow from you to your husband, and both of you are going to be on your way to an amazing side of life! You two can do it!

That was a fun excerpt to find. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

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Day 606 The Scary 2% Area and We Learn, Always

Day 606

The Scary 2% Area and We Learn, Always


I had 500 calories worth of peanut butter today. I completely lost my cool. Thanks for reading, goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

What? We need to talk about this? OK, ok, ok...Just when I think I'm immune to impulse urges and trigger foods, BAM---I do something stupid that puts me in my place. Did it kill my calorie budget? No, it didn't, although it severely limited me for tonight's dinner. It also eliminated any chance of a snack later. But it's not about the calorie budget.

It's about control. 98% of the time I feel in complete control. Oh, but that 2% area...where everything I passionately believe becomes blurred and shades of old become faintly visible, that 2% area is a very scary place to be. Maybe it's normal? Yeah---Maybe I can make myself feel better about this by convincing my brain it's perfectly normal to attack a peanut butter jar occasionally. No, can't accept that. I can't. I'm not in search of rationalizations to make myself feel better, I'm in search of honest understanding of why everything goes out the window when it's just me and the peanut butter jar alone together.

I bought that jar of peanut butter with complete confidence that I could handle it being in the house. But I must never forget the power of addiction and my weaknesses. I wouldn't do it around other people. I wouldn't! I'm Sean Anderson, I've empowered myself beyond what I ever really believed I could do---I'm strong, let me show you! I believe in me now! But---get me alone with a trigger food and the real test begins. What made me pick up the jar? I was just going to have a couple of hundred calories worth, ya know...work it into the budget, make myself proud about being able to handle a serving, without losing control. A serving tasted so good---I wanted more, and I took it. I then reached out to Amber and KL and requested that they hide it from me. Isn't that nuts? (no pun intended) I almost just threw it away. Maybe I should have.

I violated the very advice I gave my Mom and Aunt Kelli last weekend. Watch the peanut butter!! So, what have I learned? I learned that even though I tout �nothing is off limits,� it's very important to know myself well enough to stay clear of known trigger foods. I have two really big ones. Peanut butter and ice cream. I control the ice cream urges by occasionally enjoying a soft served cone, a limited portion. But peanut butter is different. You can't just zip into a drive-thru and order a 150 calorie shot of peanut butter. If you want some, you must buy a jar. I will not be buying a jar again anytime soon. I was foolish in thinking I was that strong. OK�peanut butter topic over now.

I was out of the studio this morning, broadcasting from downtown in support of the Child Development Center. My morning routine was still in tact despite the change of schedule. My morning exercises, my breakfast---all very routine. I had hoped to do the mid-day spinning class, but it didn't take long to realize there was no way that could happen today. It was a pretty loaded Friday. My workout schedule has been completely trashed this week. I had a great bike ride yesterday and my morning routines are very easy and automatic---but no spinning classes this week at all. Perhaps I'll hit the Saturday morning class like I did last Saturday.

It's important for me to remember how far I've come, but not let it become a comfort zone where less is acceptable. I haven't done all of this work for nothing. And seriously, the circumstances of the week have dictated my shambles of a workout schedule, so ok, it happens. Let's move forward in a positive way.

I was the designated driver for some friends this evening. They invited me into Chili's for dinner, but since Chili's is only three blocks from my apartment, and I had a severely limited calorie budget to maneuver---I declined. Really, I had already decided to do this even before the peanut butter fiasco. I'm not a big fan of Chili's calorie values. Oh, I'm sure I could get in and out ok, on a normal budget at least...but now I had to be careful, I was limited tonight. The four of them dined without me and I told them to text when they were ready.

I prepared some garlic shrimp, tomatoes, and baked french fries. The entire plate was only 350---it was incredibly delicious and came in under budget. I'm going to make it just fine.

Thank you for reading. I honestly didn't want to talk about the peanut butter issue. I had already talked to Amber about it, and thought about just putting it behind me...but I can't do that without sharing here. This is part of learning. As much as I'd like to be so wonderfully perfect---I'm not, and I never will be. And I don't need to be. None of us do. Trying to be perfect leads to unnecessary disappointment. We are winners at this losing game when we learn about ourselves and we use that knowledge to our advantage while working toward our reasonable goals. We don't give up. Never give up. We always learn---and as long as we are open to that learning process---without being cluttered by the warm embrace of excuses and rationalizations, then we will always win. Seriously...every time. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Garlic Shrimp, tomatoes, and baked fries---350 calories of delicious.

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Day 605 Weighing Issues and Flirting With "The Crossing Point"

Day 605

Weighing Issues and Flirting With �The Crossing Point�

Weigh day is something I look forward to every two weeks. In the beginning, the mind blowing numbers dropping from the scale became somewhat addictive. I don't own a scale, never have, so weigh day is always an event, a bi-weekly destination met with childlike anticipation. When the numbers started to slow down, this event was often times greeted with spoiled childlike reactions. I will say, that after the initial tantrum, I would most usually admit the wrong attitude and be grateful for anything the scale gave me. I did develop some bad weigh day habits as the numbers started to slow. You see, my job starts early, so there isn't time to weigh before work. I most usually weigh in the afternoon, sometimes late afternoon. So I'll completely ignore the needs of my metabolism by eating extremely light until I've weighed. I will not consume a bunch of fluids prior to weigh-in. These deviations from what I know is right and good for me only come around once every two weeks. I need to just buy a scale. But then would I go completely against my own advice by weighing all the time? If you've read into the archives, you know how I feel about the needless grief that can come as a result of CWD (compulsive weighing disorder). I know some people who can use it to their advantage, it motivates them. I don't think I would be one of those. Every water gain would depress me. Being able to weigh first thing on weigh day morning would be nice. I'll have to seriously consider this issue.

Weigh day was kind to me today. I strolled into the doctors office with a confidence that came from feeling smaller lately. Comfortably wearing those small 38's was a pretty good indicator that today's weigh-in would be decent. I stepped on and found a 3 pound loss. 254! 3 more pounds gone forever! And now, here I am...so close to the �crossing point� I've often talked about. That point, where I've lost more than I currently weigh, is somewhat magical to me. I guess it's just cool, I don't know. After 251 pounds lost, we're 1.5 pounds away. Now, when someone says �you're half the man you used to be,� it'll be literal.

Three more pounds was awesome to see today. In the archives I found an eight pound loss from exactly one year ago today...and I think I was still complaining about that! Unbelievable! From May 13th, 2009:

It's amazing how much I look forward to weigh day. I use to dread standing on scales, I knew it was bad, I didn't need the scale to remind me. But it's not bad anymore. I'm getting smaller in a slow and steady fashion. I really wanted to hit the 330's today and I almost did. My last official weigh day I checked in at 349, at the �Lose To Win� final weigh-in I was 347, and today the scales showed 341. A loss of 8 pounds in the last two weeks! It's not the 339 I was hoping for, but next weigh day I'll hit it for sure! I've lost a total of 164 pounds so far! I love it!

�Not the 339 I was hoping for,� really? Did I really expect a ten pound drop? How silly of me. What I've learned along the way is this: A confident patience is needed every day. When you're doing the things you know are right and good and you lay your head on the pillow at night knowing that your calorie budget is solid and your exercise is good, a confident patience can come over you. It's calming. It's re-assuring. That confident patience says �I'm doing what's right and I'll get to where I'm headed along this road. However long it takes isn't of concern really because I know that I'm doing right by this everyday.� The ups and downs, the fluctuations, the tough days and struggles---they come and go, but the confident patience remains strong. I really wanted to be in the 330's a year ago---and here I am getting ready to dive into the 240's. Confident patience. Forgetting about time and just doing what's right today. One day at a time adds up real quick. Confident patience.

I also found this from that same day:

One thing that will be a breakthrough for me tomorrow is tucking in my tuxedo shirt. I've never been a tucker. Most morbidly obese people avoid the tuck. I remember writing about this topic on Day 5. Here's a flashback to that blog: I'm really looking forward to the clothes. I hate clothes shopping because I've never been able to do it without a trip to Oklahoma City or Tulsa to the Big and Tall store. Oh, and by the way---Why do all the big and tall catalogs use trim and neat looking models? The shirt �Fabio� is modeling is not going to look the same in 6XL I guarantee it! Every time I try on a shirt I think...�hmm, this doesn't look like the picture�...It never does. I can't wait to walk into a regular store, just a couple of minutes from my house and buy a pair of jeans. That will be amazing! These are my motivating thoughts. What are your motivating thoughts? I can't wait to tuck in! I've never been a tucker, because fat people don't like to tuck. In most cases it's just not flattering. If I have to tuck for something, it could be a deal breaker. I couldn't imagine actually wanting to tuck in my shirt. That would be so neat. Get it...neat. Cause I'm tucking...anyway.

I really thought every overweight person avoided the tuck, but that's not true. A friend of mine recently shared that he's the exact opposite of me. He thinks he looks bigger if he doesn't tuck. Hmmm...He recently started back down the scale from the 440's, and he tucks everyday. It's interesting. One of his goals is probably to become a casual un-tucker someday. It just goes to show you how each of us are different and how we create our own individual hang-ups. I'm still not a tucker, even at 254. The brain is so powerful, huh?

I just realized something...the above �tuxedo tucking� paragraph was an excerpt within an excerpt. Wow, we're flashing back in layers around here.

This is already long and I haven't even talked about today's activities. I covered weather from 2am and worked through my show, leaving the studio by 10am and heading home to sleep. I decided to weigh after my nap, which I knew would be like a nights sleep for me, so it would be like weighing first thing in the morning...kind of like that, ok�not really. I'm strange.

Anyway...I slept until after 2pm, ran some errands and finally arrived back at the studio around 3:30pm. It wasn't long before I needed to do a few other things away from the studio, so I left and returned a little while later. I finally made it back to the apartment at almost 8pm.

I prepared some shrimp and chicken with green beans and felt completely stuffed afterward, despite the 365 calorie count of the meal. I decided that a nice bike ride would be a perfect end to a good weigh day, and it was. I love my new seat. It's very comfy! It's a padded Bell brand seat, thick---with lots of cushion and a big seat area. When I'm really moving, I hardly ever touch the seat, but when I do, it makes all the difference in the world. I took a different route tonight and ended up riding around a shopping center parking lot less than a mile from my house. When the Burger King smell became too much, I moved down to the movie theater parking lot and rode around like a kid with a new bike at Christmas. I'm not sure what kind of a workout it really was, but it was something. It felt good, really good. And on a week like this, when the workout schedule has been shot at every turn, it's awesome.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

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Day 604 Every Pound Makes A Difference and Defeating Self-Defeating Thoughts

Day 604

Every Pound Makes A Difference and Defeating Self-Defeating Thoughts

The story I shared yesterday about positioning myself in such a way, that my
abdominal muscles were hard and covered only by a thin layer of skin, was a
very personal thing to share. It might have sounded silly, but this
self-discovery is common among successful losers. I received a couple of
e-mails from people that have experienced the same fascination with their
slimmer body. It�s such a foreign feeling. When I lay on my side and my
hipbone is sticking up and I feel it, it just makes me happy enough to cry.
I�ve never felt better in my entire life. The loose skin? Yeah, whatever�I
mean really, it�s a small price to pay for good health and considering the
damage I�ve done to this body for so long, it could be much worse. I�m not
saying I�ll never have a removal surgery, but it isn�t something I�m dead
set on anymore. I�m still thrilled when I look in the mirror and I fully
appreciate the transformation that has taken place on many different levels.

I�m at the point where every pound seems to make a difference I can feel and
even see. I put on the size 38 Levis button fly jeans today. These are a
tighter cut than my other jeans, a small 38 we�ll call it. I put them on
for the �Lose To Win� kick-off seminar, but the thought of wearing them all
day just wasn�t appealing. Well---Today was good. I put them on and felt
perfectly comfortable. So now you know what I must do, I have to buy some
more 38�s, and more importantly�some size 36! It will not be long!

Today�s work schedule was already long without the threat of more severe
weather. I had my show in the morning, production from just after the show
through mid-day, then a remote broadcast from 3 to 7pm. I was prepared food
wise, I packed fruit and mozzarella cheese. And I had a chance to run home
for lunch before my afternoon broadcast. I grilled a chicken breast and
baked a flat-out mushroom and cheese pizza. The entire lunch was a
delicious 360 calories and left me feeling full. This time, I would not be
tempted by the food at the casino broadcast! Temptation is always toughest
when we�re hungry. I try to never be hungry. Eating something every 3 to 4
hours certainly helps in that regard.

I had a chance to see the young man at the casino again tonight. He started
in excess of 600 pounds and already he�s dropping into the 590�s. He�s
super excited about the �Lose To Win� Challenge, but clearly his motivation
runs much deeper than this 9-week contest. It�s exciting to talk with him
about his goals and dreams. It fires me up! He told me that he turns to
this blog to help him stay focused. Reading about and seeing my
transformation has made a profound impact on him. He knows he can do this
too. What a wonderful feeling it is to be in this position to inspire.
This is what it�s all about for me. If I never write another thing relating
to weight loss or never speak to another group of overweight people wanting
to choose change---I�ll still be happy because I really feel that I�ve made
a difference for some people through sharing my story and experiences. And
that is really the greatest feeling in the world.

The plan tonight was simple. As soon as the broadcast ended at 7pm, I would
head home---eat something light, then head to the YMCA for an amazing
workout---exactly what I did last week, remember? But no, no�not this
Wednesday�Severe weather was threatening and after coordinating schedules
with a co-worker, it was decided: I would drop in bed early---and get up
before midnight to cover weather throughout the overnight hours. (I ended
up not waking up until almost 1am. Storms were in progress�I relieved Gayle
by 2am) I�m not allowed to feel bad about this missed workout. But like I
said yesterday, my workouts this week are almost non-existent. And that
makes me feel horrible regardless of the circumstances.

I think I�ve officially moved my weigh day to Thursday. Yep---Wednesdays,
especially this month, are packed. Thursday works much better. So, that
means tomorrow we step on the scale. I�m not even going to guess, but
judging from the fit and feel of these size 38 Levi 501�s, we may have a
good one! I hope so! We�ll see---and I�ll be sure to post an after
weigh-in update on facebook and a mass e-mail. I stopped sending out the
mass-text weigh day update to close family and friends because not everyone
has a good text plan. Facebook or an e-mail is free for everyone!

This entire journey is about shifting the way we think about and approach
food in everyday life. It�s all about our attitude really, and it�s
something that was highlighted on this blog exactly one year ago today.
From May12th, 2009:

Tonight we held Amber's welcome home cookout as promised! I'm so happy to
have her home for the summer. I'm even happier to report that everyone
enjoyed a reasonable meal without going overboard. I kept my cookout food at
under 500 calories. I had a hamburger with bun, mustard, onion, and a little
ketchup. I also enjoyed a hot dog minus the bun, dipping it in mustard! Oh,
and a half a serving of Doritos too. It was a wonderful visit with family. I
can remember encountering similar occasions during past weight loss attempts
with a complete acceptance that I would fail. I would think to myself, How
can I possibly stay on track with all the wonderful food? I would decide to
fail before the event even started. It's the same thought process that kept
me from starting so many times. I'd take one look at the calendar and decide
that I couldn't possibly stay on track during the holidays or during special
occasions and family get togethers because I was supposed to eat a bunch
during these times. Isn't that crazy? But I'm sure I'm not the only one that
has done this before. It's common I'm sure. Defeating myself before I even
start, that's a problem I no longer have and that feels amazing! It's all
about getting rid of every excuse that tries to prevent our changes. 240
days ago I decided that the excuses must be rendered powerless in order for
me to succeed. They are powerless and I'm succeeding rather well.

Deciding to fail and fully accepting that failure before I even started a
weight loss attempt was a horrible pattern for me. I�m so glad I opened my
eyes to this facet of my past behaviors.

Wish me a good weigh day and maybe a nap tomorrow. Thank you for reading.
Goodnight and�

Good Choices,
Sean

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Day 603 The Flat Stomach Position and Fighting Cravings/Stressful Triggers

Day 603

The Flat Stomach Position and Fighting Cravings/Stressful Triggers

I was in the floor this morning doing my non-weighted strength training exercises when I discovered something. I took a rest, leaning on the side of my bed, loose skin hanging down---and I reached down and felt my abs. Wow�underneath the loose skin and some fat, I have a six-pack I tell ya! It was something about that position on the side of the bed that separated the loose skin from the abdomen area. It was crazy strange. And although I�m in no hurry to have a surgery, and I�m not even sure I will, it makes me smile to know that I�m really making some amazing changes to this abused body. I probably sound like a nut, but I just sat there on my knees, leaning against the mattress, and marveling at the flat stomach and hard abs underneath. It felt like it wasn�t my belly button. OK---Now I�m sounding crazy. But really---it made me so happy. I don�t even care that they�re hidden behind the loose skin---this is me, I haven�t anyone to impress but myself. And I was impressed!

I had scrambled eggs, a pear, and a banana this morning. It was such a good breakfast! After the crazy weather day yesterday, we were off to a pretty good start.

Even after 603 days, I�m not immune to cravings and crazy urges to overeat. They come much less and when they do I usually can talk myself out of a meltdown pretty easy. Still---I sometimes end up making some less than stellar choices in the process of controlling myself. I recently spent 240 calories on salted peanuts from a convenience store. Oh, it doesn�t end there. M&M�s just came out with a pretzel version---the entire single serving pack checks in at a low 150 calories. I picked up the package out of curiosity---noticed the 150-calorie count proudly displayed on the wrapper---and made a snap decision to enjoy them completely! This kind of indulgence is important for me to allow occasionally. Why? Because it�s normal. I�m eating like a normal person. And if a 150 calorie pack of pretzel M&M�s prevents me from going off on an out of control binge, then it�s worth it! Nothing is off limits---I have zero deprivation. I refuse to ban anything. Well, except maybe large containers of ice cream in my freezer. The half-gallon of ice cream is symbolic for me---it always meant the end of a well-meaning weight loss attempt. It�s psychological, I know.

I was thinking of this today after my daily time traveling trip back into the archives. Here�s an excerpt from May 11th, 2009:

Some days are certainly easier than others. When the storm clouds gather and the stress rains down, that's when I'm at my most vulnerable. It's the stressful triggers I've talked about so many times before. The natural reaction to look for something that taste good, something pleasurable to make me feel better, is something that I've learned to identify and defend against. As strong as I am, on this day, yes, on day 239, I felt weak. I was having those old thoughts of feeling lost and out of control, but without actually losing control. I can be proud of that. But to still feel threatened after 239 days seemed disappointing. It shouldn't because I did exactly what I needed to do to avoid a meltdown. I did it right. I know that stress is a part of life. Everyone can have some form of stress, it's different for everyone. And feeling that my resolve was weakened is completely normal. How we handle that weakened resolve is the key. I immediately got scared. I have too much on the line here. I can't afford to ever see 400 or dare I say 500, ever, ever, ever again. I firmly believe I wouldn't survive a return trip to those numbers, physically or mentally. After the initial scare, I started focusing on my motivating thoughts. I blocked out everything and everyone, I didn't even tell anyone goodbye when I left the studio. I was in my own little world, dealing with issues that have me stressed while fighting the ingrained reaction to turn to food and a couch. I started going through my library of motivating thoughts. I even went back and read the first five days of this blog. I started thinking about my life and how wonderfully different it's becoming.

That was after 239 days, and here we are at 603. It is much easier today, I will say that. Like everything along this road, it does get easier as we get comfortable with new habits and routines. I�m such a routine kind of guy. A comment on yesterday�s post made me smile and reminded me of the person who recently commented that a cookbook from me would only have 10 recipes. Anonymous said:

�First of all, I love your blog. Second, please learn how to cook some new meals. It feels like deja vu every single day with the whole omelet thing!�

I do love the omelets! Recently I talked about �the adjustable pizza,� well, it�s the same thing with the omelets. I can make them super light on calories or as loaded as I want---whatever fits my calorie budget at the moment. I guess you can do that with anything by simply modifying the recipe, but yeah, ok�you�re right. I do need a little more variety!!

I enjoyed dinner out with Amber and her boyfriend KL. We dined at JW Cobbs Family Restaurant. My choices were good and always start with the senior menu. They should really just call it the �smaller portion menu,� because they don�t mind non-seniors ordering from that side. I chose some good old-fashioned meat loaf and potatoes. Small portions mind you! The entire meal couldn�t have been over 500 calories---even with the half a dinner roll and a few fried mushrooms. This is living and eating normally for me. Normal portions that don�t stuff, they just satisfy nicely.

My workout schedule is a wreck again this week. No excuses---it just is. I�ll be correcting that with a late evening YMCA workout after my Wednesday evening casino broadcast tomorrow night.

Thank you for reading! Goodnight and�

Good Choices,
Sean

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Day 602 Weather Dominated Day

Day 602

Weather Dominated Day

My morning started as normal as any today. It was scrambled eggs and a banana with my coffee this morning. I grabbed some extra fruit as I bolted for the door, as it turned out�this wasn�t enough food for a day like today. But it was still morning and everything was quiet.

The meteorologist knew conditions were ripe for a tornado outbreak, but I�m not sure any of them expected the kind of outbreak we experienced. The signs were all around, like teams of storm chasers sitting on the road waiting for the action�it was coming. I left the studio shortly after 3pm to run a couple of errands and head home for food and a short nap. I had to return for weather coverage, I knew that, but I really thought I had time for a nap and food first. I stopped at Team Radio headquarters in the Poncan and was informed that I better get some food quick and head back behind the microphone, the storms were already popping.

My first instinct was a drive through. Wendy�s---chili, small---190 calories. I can do that. But then I realized I wasn�t in the mood for chili. I ended up doing what I should have done to begin with, I stopped at a grocery store. I ran in quick, grabbed a pear, banana, and orange, along with some thinly sliced turkey breast. I didn�t know how long the weather coverage would last, so with the � pound of turkey and fruit, I was set. I ended up throwing the chili away, I know---what a waste, but I just couldn�t for some reason.

I headed straight for the studio as soon as I got back. A tornado warning had just been issued in the next county�and we were in full weather coverage mode. The storms started spawning tornados almost faster than we could announce them. At one point we were talking about three separate tornado warnings in our listening area.

Gayle and I worked as a team today. I was anchoring coverage and she was processing information from the NWS and joining me in studio for occasional spotter reports. It was intense, very intense. And when the warning you�re giving is for a tornado that�s bearing down on a community---you try to talk directly to them, telling them to �take shelter now!� And you just hope and pray they�re aware of the situation. Some major property damage was reported around our immediate area, but luckily no serious injuries or deaths up here in the Northern part of the state. In Central and Southeastern Oklahoma, the news wasn�t as good. Six people lost their lives and countless others were injured.

After the storms moved on, I just sat and allowed myself to wind down a bit. I didn�t feel like complaining about a long workday, a missed workout, or lack of nap�that stuff doesn�t matter on a day like today. You just give thanks that you and yours are safe---and you think about those who didn�t make it through the storm.

I made it back to the apartment just before 8pm. A friend of mine and his son were coming over to help me change the bicycle seat---Thank you Lindel and Rex! They fixed me up real good. I thought seriously about taking a long ride after they left, but nah�not tonight. I wasn�t in the mood. Maybe I should have. Instead, I prepared a large egg white omelet with mushrooms and cheese. I had my omelet dinner while watching the news coverage and images from the storm.

Tomorrow�s a new day and the sun will shine! Thank you for reading. Goodnight and�

Good Choices,
Sean


Bonus mom and me picture from yesterday at the buffet! Mom---You look great!!!!! (mom didn�t like her photo on yesterday�s post)


My Aunt Kelli and Me. We were always close�more like brother and sister than an Aunt/nephew relationship. Kelli has a weight loss blog too! Just visit www.snoconegirl.blogspot.com

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Day 601 Mothers Day and The White Plastic Chair

Day 601

Mothers Day and The White Plastic Chair

I woke up before 9am and remembered mom had told me she was out of coffee. We stayed up fairly late enjoying each other�s company. Honestly, I think we could have both slept much later, but time was burning, it�s Mothers Day! I hopped right up and without even brushing my hair or teeth, I drove to the corner convenience store for two cups of coffee. I must have looked scary, but I didn�t care. My mission was getting mom and me coffee, mission complete! I returned to mom�s place to pull myself together a bit and prepare mom a Mothers Day breakfast. The menu was mushroom, onion, and cheese omelets, turkey sausage, and sliced d�anjou pears.

My goal was to make the entire plate 300 calories. I almost did it, the plate checked in at 310. I used two egg whites and one whole egg per omelet. � ounce of mozzarella, mushrooms, two turkey sausage patties each, and 1/3 of a pear per plate. It was my first time to try turkey sausage---and for 120 calories, yeah---I could do that more often. It was very good! Mom and I enjoyed the breakfast together before leaving her house and heading over to grandmas place.

I brought my workout attire and then remembered that I had scheduled an �off� day today. I really wish I had walked with mom on her normal route. We didn�t and that�s OK, but really---we should�ve.

I decided to amuse myself this morning by sitting in mom�s white plastic patio deck chair. The company that manufactures these anti-fat people chairs has made a gazillion dollars on �em, because they�re everywhere you go. And if you ever see an overweight person sitting in one, chances are it�s about to buckle. At 505 I wouldn�t even attempt. I mean, it was obvious I wouldn�t fit, not even on the edge. I vaguely remember trying once---just on the edge, until I felt the legs bending under---and I quickly popped my 505 pound body up and out. I can totally sit in one of these now. How crazy is that? I think I�ll still avoid them, simply because of how bad I felt around them and how bad they still make my obese friends and family feel. Why does my mom have one? I guarantee she didn�t put it there! Horrible little chairs!!! ;)

The restaurant was decided. Oh yeah, we go out for Mothers Day. Last year it was a big buffet style place called Sirloin Stockade. This year? Same place. Uhhg. But that�s where Mom and Grandma wanted to go, so I wasn�t going to argue, after all, this was their day---not mine.

I can�t stand this buffet place or any buffet place for that matter. I know I�ll get in and get out within my calorie budget, and I�ll enjoy the experience and the company by golly---I just don�t like watching others stuff themselves silly and remembering how I once led the pack. I made some good choices and some not so good choices. I chose some lean meats, a little bit of potatoes, a little mac and cheese (like two bites), some green beans, and several other little samplings. Then I gave into the smell of those freshly baked hot rolls, I had half. Then at some point---I don�t know what came over me, but I decided it was cool to have a couple of miniature cookies with my small dish of soft serve. I was on a tear really---then I had to try a couple of bites of the chocolate cheesecake. Everything was small. My portions, most of them, were bite sized�but still. I had too much.

By the time the dust settled and I guesstimated my calories for everything, I was done. I don�t mean done for that meal, I mean done for the day. Oh boy, this isn�t going to do my metabolism any favors, I thought. I enjoyed myself immensely. I was in control. This wasn�t a failure in the least. I was living and enjoying a grand Mothers Day feast with grandma and mom�it was all-good.

It wasn�t even 4pm. How was I going to make it all night without anything else? Plenty of water? I didn�t know. I left the restaurant feeling slightly defeated but confident I was still just barely within the calorie budget. Last year I got in and out in 500 calories---wasn�t it 500? I think so! I only wish I could say that about today. Anyway�I arrived back at the apartment in Ponca City ready to crash. I was really tired, so I decided on a nap. It was a good two hour snooze fest before waking up to do work at the studio and live weather coverage of light thunderstorms moving across the area.

I dropped in bed very late after visiting some with Amber and KL. The girls spent Mothers Day with their mom of course, and I spent it with mine. It was a nice day despite the buffet, really. And I made it the rest of the night---by sleeping and working and drinking. Water. Yeah.

The debate over how hard we workout came up a year ago�when someone had suggested that my weight loss was good, but not �Biggest Loser� great. Some people, huh? Anyway---it was May 9th, 2009 when I found a magazine article that had Jillian agreeing with what I said on the topic. Here�s the excerpt:

In Friday night's edition of this blog titled �Day 236 Boxing The Boss and The Difference Between Me And �The Biggest Losers,� I talked about how I was losing weight in the middle of everyday life and the contestants on that show were in a boot camp style setting. Then today I ran across a magazine article featuring �Biggest Loser� winner Michelle Aguilar. There was a side bar question and answer feature with the trainer from the show Jillian Michaels. When asked about using the 'Loser' system at home in everyday life her reply was: �It's not realistic. But when you know what people are capable of, then maybe you'll be inspired. All I ask of people is do five hours of exercise a week, maintain a healthy diet and use common sense.� I read that today and thought, wow, I guess I came to the correct conclusion! I kept reading and found other things that sounded familiar. On the topic of getting together with friends and family for holidays or special occasions she said: �Put the focus on friends and family and not the food! If you do indulge, do it intelligently...and continue to work out too.� Wow, I remember saying that after having a big cookout in the early days of this journey. And remember the Thanksgiving Day 5K? That was us indulging but still working out! On getting motivated and off the couch she offered: �I don't have any magic words. That motivation has to come from within. Ask yourself, what is it that I want? Is it being able to see your grandchildren graduate high school? Looking hot in a bikini over spring break? Writing those things down will create a powerful vision.� That's exactly what I've talked about when I mention �motivating thoughts.� I swear I've never read any of her books! It just feels wonderful to once again discover an expert that would whole-heartedly agree with what I've done and continue to do.

Thank you for reading my friend! Goodnight and�

Good Choices,
Sean


Mom and me--out on the town last night!


Mothers Day Breakfast served! Mushroom, onion, and cheese omelet---turkey sausage---and 1/3 of a D�anjou Pear. 310 calories for the entire plate! Amazingly good!!!


The white plastic outdoor chair every overweight person dreads or just flat out avoids. At 505, it wasn�t even a remote option for me. There wasn't any doubt, if I tried to squeeze into one of these at 505, I would break it down to the ground. Not anymore.


Here�s me sitting in that tiny white plastic chair on mom�s patio deck. It was a snug fit, even at 257, but I wasn�t worried about it breaking! Not at all!!!

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Day 600 Sixty-Six Minute Spinning and Austin Was Totally Shocked

Day 600

Sixty-Six Minute Spinning and Austin Was Totally Shocked

Amber woke me up at 6am, "Dad, can you fix me an omelet?" My pleasure sweety! The pictures of omelets past and her memories of my omelet making talent has had her wanting one lately. She's been hired as a summer camp counselor and today she was making a trip to Oklahoma City for training. I prepared her a hearty omelet with three eggs and cheese. It was a 300 calorie omelet. I always tell her the calorie count of what I give her, and I'm pretty sure she appreciates the information. She's sometimes amazed, "this is only 300 calories?" Yes baby!

I could have returned to bed but decided instead to stay up and catch the 9:30 spinning class at the YMCA. It's scheduled for an hour instead of the normal 45. Sure...I can handle this! I arrived at 9:10 am and was lucky to get one of two bikes remaining. This hour long class is very popular! The first 15 minutes is always the hardest. Today, it was the last 6 minutes. The class was supposed to end at sixty minutes, but Frank pushed us for an extra 6 minutes. As we approached the 60 minute mark, I was so relieved to have made it...OK--we're done, right? Hello---what's the deal? Then Frank shouted "only one more song on the CD, let's finish it out!" OK, I made it this far, I guess I can survive through one more song. I felt absolutely incredible after class. The way I feel after a good workout is hard to describe, it's such a wonderful and natural high. It makes me feel like I could do anything.

I had grocery shopping to do immediately after the YMCA. I stocked up on all kinds of stuff. Now that Amber's home, I'll be cooking for more than just me and occasionally Courtney. Evidence of my evolving good choices is all through my grocery cart these days. I look down and sometimes can't believe it's me buying all that produce. I hardly ever bought fresh produce back "then."

I had a remote broadcast this evening at the 77 Speedway North of Newkirk, Oklahoma. I arrived and found my contact, Austin Graves, who spent the better part of ten minutes with his jaw dropped in total amazement at my transformation. It's been a year since we've seen each other and the last 130 pounds of this nearly 250 pound transformation, has obviously been the most dramatic. He just kept on complimenting and congratulating. It really was incredible, he made me feel so good. Austin remembers 505 pound Sean. The Sean that fell on the staircase on the way up to the press-box...yeah, he remembers how I didn't even know if I could get up there, I was so big and that experience was so embarrassing. Austin recalled that evening as we both jogged up the stairs to the speedway press-box tower...it's so wonderfully different now.

I headed to Stillwater tonight to stay the evening and Mothers Day with mom. I really stop and think when I drive. I turned the music off and allowed my thoughts and plans to move around in my head. I feel good, I have clarity and confidence...this is the greatest time of my journey so far. I tell you, Austin's genuine disbelief and celebration of my accomplishment really lifted me up high. It made me feel incredible all the way to mom's place.

I visited for a while with grandma, Kelli, and Keith, before mom and I headed out to the store and for coffee at a popular little diner. We had a great visit tonight. We talked about little tweaks mom can do to get better results. More water and less peanut butter was our conclusion. Peanut butter is such a wild card. It doesn't take much to make up a 90 calorie tablespoon, and it's real easy to think you're getting a hundred calories, when you're really getting two or three hundred. The calorie count isn't counting on a heaping spoonful, just a spoonful. I know it's good for you, but seriously--I have to be very careful around that stuff because I love it too much. I actually bought a jar at the store earlier today...hmmmm, crunchy, my favorite! I was thinking of others when I bought it, now I'll have to police myself very carefully in the kitchen.

Thank you for reading! Day 600!!!! Wow, that looks very cool to me. I remember when Day 100 looked like forever. We've come a very long way! I'm so happy, a very real kind of happy. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

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Day 599 Lucky Goal Guess and A Vital Element of Lasting Success

Day 599

Lucky Goal Guess and A Vital Element of Lasting Success

I dressed for my workout this morning. Usually, if I'm wearing a t-shirt and sweat pants, it means I overslept and just threw something on, not today. I was determined to get my workout in early at the 11:15am spinning class. I knew that we were shorthanded at the studio and I wouldn't be able to get there until right before the class started, so I was dressed and ready. Show me to the cycle!

I tried to get away in time, but was still almost five minutes late to class. Lucky for me it wasn't full, had it been, I planned to try my best to replicate the workout on a stationary bike placed twenty feet from the class. Glad it didn't come to that, because those bikes are not �spinning� cycles, and there's a difference. These organized classes are really helping me. I can feel it and I can see the difference the consistent weight training is making. The cool thing about being so close to goal? The progress we make is so much more noticeable. Every pound and every inch makes a difference.

Somebody recently asked if I take measurements. I haven't from the beginning, and I wish I had. Melissa Walden did take some all over me a few months ago, so I'll have that to compare when I reach goal. But what is goal? I now honestly believe that 230 is an absolute possibility. I doubted it a little, but really, I have it to lose---and actually---once I get to 230, and then if I have excess skin removed---wow, I could end up well below 230. Who knows---it doesn't really matter. But 230, I believe was a lucky guess on Day 1, because the closer I get, the more I think it was right on target.

I did my upper body weight training after spinning class and it was so good. I'm getting stronger, I know this because I'm having to add weights to many of the movements. I needed to eat lunch after my workout, but I didn't have time to go home and I really didn't want a drive-thru lunch. Oh, I could have done a baked potato and chicken breast from Wendy's, but no---I wanted something else. So I ran into a neighborhood grocery store on my way back to work. I grabbed a pear, a banana, and some shredded lean ham. That pear was so sweet and juicy, I had to check Calorie King again, just to make sure it was still 80 calories. It was the best pear I've ever eaten. Every bite caused an explosion of flavor and juice in my mouth. It was absolutely enjoyable. The banana and ham was good too, but man...that pear was awesome. Maybe I enjoyed this lunch a little more than normal because of the amazing workout just prior, hmmm, probably.

I left the radio station shortly after 5pm. My goal of leaving work today with an empty in-box didn't happen, there was just no way. I'll have to have a production session over the weekend. I was very tired, and as soon as I arrived home decided to nap until 6:30. Amber woke me up and we were off. I spent a little time with some friends and then picked up Amber and KL for a late evening dinner out. I let them pick the place, a small mom and pop pizza place fifteen minutes away. It was good, but oh my, loaded! I had a normal sized piece and the smallest piece on the platter. Still, it was easily 700 calories total, had to be...maybe even 750. The best part wasn't the pizza pie, it was the company. The three of us laughed so much together. This is going to be an amazing summer, I just know it!

Yesterday's post prompted a friend to send an e-mail asking if I was �OK?� Yes! Just super busy and always keeping my mind on the mental changes that have made this weight loss success possible. When we examine the inner workings of our brains and we discover just how our thoughts really affect our lives and performance, it can seem scary, but it doesn't have to be anything dark and gloomy. It might feel uncomfortable to address, but it is a necessary place to go in order to get to where we're headed. And it isn't a destination, rather a lifestyle we can embrace and live for the rest of our lives. As we all know, real weight loss success cannot be fully measured without maintaining. And that part, or the �forever part,� as I like to say, is something that I've had my eye on from the beginning. It's mental exercises like day 327 and yesterday's re-post that can and will turn this weight loss into a lasting success. This is for life my friend, it really is for life. And it's a wonderful feeling.

Thank you for reading. A busy weekend ahead, including an hour long spinning class Saturday morning, a broadcast from a speedway, attending Jekyl and Hyde at the Wilken Theatre, and spending Saturday night and Mothers Day with mom at her place in Stillwater. Oh---and that production work�yeah, I'll need to get that done too. And working out---yes, I actually plan on playing tennis with Whitney real soon, maybe Sunday evening! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

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Day 598 The CB&T and The Mix Tape/Acting As If---Day 327 Revisited

Day 598

The CB&T and The Mix Tape/Acting As If�Day 327 Revisited

I have very little time to write at this moment, but I didn�t want to wait too long and then be a full day behind. Today was a good solid day. I ate well, I did my scheduled workout, and I attended the �Lose To Win Seminar,� and spoke briefly after the main program.

Melissa Walden was the featured speaker tonight. She was talking about designing your unique health plan. She started everyone out by having us do �inventory� of our habits and thoughts. It was a great exercise and it left me wishing we could have an extended seminar with her. She�s a fitness and life coach, plus she teaches at the high school. She�s an effective communicator!

I was asked to speak for a few minutes after Melissa�s presentation. The topic was my �Calorie Bank and Trust.� Treating my daily calorie allotment like cash has allowed me to make this journey---this gradual evolution of choices, a natural thing. It hasn�t been forced. This �Calorie Bank and Trust� has taught me about portion control and making better choices in order to get the best calorie value. It�s completely taken away any feelings of deprivation because nothing is off limits. I can spend those calories however I want. I just can�t use more than I�m allotted per day. There�s no borrowing from the next day, and this bank doesn�t have an atm, so I must budget wisely throughout the day if they�re going to last all day and evening. Looking at my calories like cash completely took the dread out of counting calories from Day 1.

I also mentioned Day 327 during my portion of the program. I never let myself forget Day 327. I read it often and it�s the day I suggest to people the most. So---please, allow me to re-publish that blog post here. It was therapeutic to write and continues to keep me focused on this road.

From August 2009, Day 327:

Since crossing the 200 pounds lost milestone on Wednesday, I've talked about the major elements of my success. It's been an amazing journey so far. But in talking with a struggling friend today, I realized something. I realized that talking about the mental changes being 80% of this battle, and talking about all of the little and big psychological gymnastics I've done to stay consistent, well, it just doesn't go deep enough. So take a big breath and let's go diving into the deep waters of our emotion ocean.

Is your past in complete command of your future? Have you given it control of your life? What are you afraid of? What is your biggest fear? Whatever your answer to the last question is, that's what's holding you back. I've always had a fear of not living up to my potential. Never following through. Never becoming what my teachers, family, co-workers, coaches, and comedy colleagues just knew I could be. Potential. Do I fear my potential? Or do I fear not living up to that potential that everyone is so certain I hold within? I've never had a problem convincing people to believe in me, but I've had a devil of a time convincing me to believe in myself. It's like I've had a mix tape playing over and over in my head for so many years.

That mix tape would say horrible things to me, and it made me believe them. You'll never live up to your potential. You'll always be fat and ugly. You'll never realize any professional success in broadcasting beyond a small market level. You'll pass your horrible behaviors with food onto your children. You're worthless and not worthy of success. Who do you really think you are? You're just a poor kid from the projects that will never amount to anything special. And you're stupid, an uneducated buffoon just faking his way through life, trying to convince everyone that you really have a clue.

What does the mix tape in your brain say everyday to you?

I guess what I've done is this: I've hit the eject button on that old mix tape. Then, I destroyed it. It will never play in my mind again. Never. I've made a new mix tape. What I hear in my head everyday now is this: You will exceed your potential in ways you can't even fathom at this point. You will be healthy, thin, and handsome. Your success in broadcasting, motivational and inspirational speaking, and anything you decide you want to do is only limited by your imagination. Your example and guidance for your family is exemplary. You're worth is immeasurable and success is yours for the taking, go ahead, you deserve it. You are a man of integrity with amazing abilities of communication. You're a kid that was raised through humble beginnings completely surrounded by love and acceptance. You're a self-educated intelligent human being who doesn't have to convince anyone of anything. Big difference huh?

What we tell ourselves everyday is what we become. It's true my friend. So why after a lifetime of fighting obesity am I breaking free so wonderfully now? Because I destroyed that old tape and replaced it with something worth listening to.

How do you make a new mix tape for your brain? Write it out, memorize it, burn it into your brain, and most importantly...Believe it. Maybe it's too much to replace everything all at once. Replace one at a time...transform how you think about yourself at whatever pace you're comfortable. This is what Mr. Ralph Marston is speaking of when he talks about no outside force holding you back. You're holding you back.Your old mix tape was made over time. It is the product of your past. And if you continue allowing the past to determine your future, then you'll always get the same result. Don't allow your past to own you, OWN IT. Put it in it's place.

Let the past know that it's effects on your future are over right now. Don't try to completely forget about the past. A good friend of mine told me, very recently in fact, that you can't amputate your past and walk freely into the future. Your past is your story. It's made you who you are today, good or bad. But you can immediately decide that it will no longer control your future. And someday, that complete story that is you can and will shine as a light of hope to others. Letting them know that anything is possible, anything at all.

I honestly didn't know what I was doing when I started. But I was doing these things, accidentally stumbling upon epiphanies that would prove to be life changing for me. It wasn't until recently that a couple of good friends clarified exactly what I've done by sharing �the mix tape� analogy.

Something else that they shared was something I've done without realizing for the last 327 days: I've been �acting as if...�I've acted as if I was a normal responsible eating individual. I've acted as if I was someone who cared about exercising. I've acted as if I was someone that could share my story and help others along the way. Three very powerful words: �Acting as if.� Why are they so powerful? Because you become whatever you put into your brain. When you're �acting as if,� you're training your brain to accept and transform to what you desire to become. And you will.

So now you know where my resolve comes from. Now you know why my consistency level is unwavering. Now you know why I'm so passionate about sharing my story, my triumphs, and my struggles. Is it perfect? No. I've said that many times along this road. It doesn't have to be perfect my friend. Striving for perfection is the quickest detour to disappointment. But if we continue with a positive consistent effort, and we change the way we think about ourselves...then our success is practically guaranteed my friend. You will not be able to stop it from happening. And don't be afraid of success. Go ahead, you deserve it. And the great thing about weight loss success? It happens slowly over time, allowing you to adjust and get use to the new you. You're going to absolutely love it.

I swear---I've read this more times than I can remember. Epiphanies strike along this road, giving us clarity---and it feels incredible, but it doesn't hurt to occasionally remind us of these mental gymnastics, especially through dark and cloudy times. Because really, this weight loss journey we're all on? It's all up here (I'm pointing to my head).

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and�

Good Choices,
Sean

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