The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I exceeded my daily minimum 64oz water goal,

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Friday, 31 October 2014

October 31st, 2014 A Sugar Free Halloween

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October 31st, 2014 A Sugar Free Halloween

A colleague of mine brought me a slice of pumpkin bread from Starbucks as a "Happy Halloween" gesture. This particular colleague is in a different department than me and we rarely converse about anything other than work related things--in fact, we only talk about work related things. It wasn't a surprise to me and I know that it was a sincere gesture.

Rachel Vinson, via Twitter, let me know the slice checks in at 600 calories!! Of course, the sugar content immediately disqualified it for me.

I decided my "Happy Halloween" would be my first ever sugar-free Halloween. I'm happy to report I made it through just fine. It is Halloween and I'm a very happy person, so I did have a happy Halloween--sugar free!! I'm super proud, can you tell?

Today was a good food day. Yesterday I didn't eat any corn tortilla type products--today, I was back at it in full force! :) I love 'em! I enjoy what I eat--it's a pleasure. And really, it's one of the "secrets" to my success. It's important!

I'm a judge at a big Halloween Party tomorrow night where I'll be made up for the first time in 30 years. I haven't dressed for Halloween since 1984. I will be a zombie. That's right, an un-dead Sean tomorrow night! Oh, there will be pictures.

Oh--by the way, that pumpkin bread? I never looked in the package. I offered it to an in-studio guest this morning, who enthusiastically accepted!

My Tweets Today:














Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, 30 October 2014

October 30th, 2014 Trying Different

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October 30th, 2014 Trying Different

I do get into routines and habits. I like certain things and I seem to be able to enjoy them again and again without tiring too much. In the spirit of variety, I made a conscious effort to try something different. I ended up having a day where I didn't consume tortillas in any form--no chips, no tostada or taco shells and only one serving of cheese. I didn't eat any avocado today, either. I'm not saying my usual "go-to" menu items are bad--and believe me, I'm sure I'll have some tomorrow, I just decided to try some different things today. It was a great food day. I was very satisfied.

Remember those sugar free cupcakes? Eight of them remain in my fridge, untouched. I enjoyed my one cupcake and I haven't felt compelled to have another. I could, easily--I mean really, it's 155 calories and sugar free, I just haven't. It's interesting to me because if these were regular sugar laden cupcakes, and I wasn't sugar free--I would have devoured more, likely the rest of them. It's as if my "inner brain" knows there isn't sugar to be found in them, so they're not an attractive option. These cupcakes are really good, don't get me wrong--they just don't contain the drug my brain sniffs out like a police dog.

I enjoyed a fantastic workout tonight on the elliptical at the YMCA (speaking of routines). It's really past time for me to expand my workouts to include weights. I've said I would--almost did--said I was ready, then backed off so many times--and it's getting ridiculous! It's too easy to just do what I've been doing. I enjoy what I do. But just like changing up my food today, I must be willing to try different in the exercise department.

My Tweets Today:












Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, 29 October 2014

October 29th, 2014 In Case It Suddenly Gets Rough

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October 29th, 2014 In Case It Suddenly Gets Rough

Getting through yesterday was a powerful thing. I felt fragile again. In hindsight, this has always been a fragile, delicate thing. Instead of saying, "I felt fragile again," it would be correct to say, "I came face to face with and acknowledged the ongoing fragility of this journey." It was kind of a disappointing experience, in that this hadn't happened in a while, and suddenly it became tough again, when perhaps I was in a "smooth sailing" type mentality. Maybe it was a needed reminder. "Smooth Sailing" is often followed by rough waters and if we're too comfy in our smooth sailing mindset, then it's easy to forget how to handle the storms. Preparing ourselves to navigate the stormy waters before the wind starts blowing is imperative to our success. I'm never beyond getting lost at sea or capsized. But like a really seasoned captain, I can have a good survival plan in place, just in case it suddenly gets rough.

Today was much better. It was incredibly busy with a full on-air/production day, followed by a private recording session for a voice-over project I've accepted, then it was straight to the YMCA, dinner out at the little Mexican place down the street from the YMCA, then home for forty-five minutes before driving to Wichita in order to pick up friends from the airport. I knew a few days ago, this was going to be a really late night.

The greatest thing about making it through yesterday? It actually strengthens the days following. Had I given in yesterday, it would have been ten times harder to get back to where I was, mentally. Recovery would have been possible, yes--but very, VERY difficult.

I'm keeping my survival plan in place and close at all times. I proved to myself I can make it through rough days with a little help from my friends.  

My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and for your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, 28 October 2014

October 28th, 2014 Like Our Life Depends On It

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October 28th, 2014 Like Our Life Depends On It

I was in bed by 8pm last night. My eyes opened at 3:30am, ready to hop up and even though I could have easily done just that, I stayed in bed until 4:15am. The eight hours sleep made a positive difference. I woke up feeling much better, physically. Later in the day, for some reason, I wasn't feeling too good emotionally.

An important part of this journey is self-awareness. It didn't take me long to recognize how I was feeling this afternoon. I wish I could identify it a little better, but I can't. I just felt off. It could be because I haven't felt 100% lately and as a result, my exercise has taken a backseat. And perhaps it was getting to me, finally. Maybe it was a general unsettling we can feel when things don't go how we think they should or how we wanted or had hoped they would go. 

I started feeling compelled to eat this afternoon, not long after my lunch--and at first, I analyzed my food--nope, nothing there should be a trigger. Then, as I was white knuckling it throughout the last part of my workday, it dawned on me--this wasn't a physical thing, it was emotional.

I didn't handle it correctly. I should have reached out to a support buddy immediately--and I didn't until much later in the afternoon. I'm not sure why I didn't at the first notion. I recommend it to others all the time and then, when I need to do it, I don't? What's up with that? I'm no different than anyone else. I get emotional, I get discouraged, I get frustrated, I get sad, I can have temporary bouts of circumstantial depression--heck, I've experienced full blown depression in my past--more than once.

Today, even though I wasn't tired, even though I had the opportunity to get to the YMCA early and get my workout on--I chose to go home and crawl under the covers. My escape from this temporary emotional downturn was to get unconscious as quickly as possible. This was my alternative to giving in to the natural tendency to reach for food, as if food is some kind of magical corrective device. It isn't--and I know that for certain. Had I reached for food instead of my unnecessary nap--I would have felt five times worse. I woke feeling a little better about things. And that's when I called a support buddy to talk out what was left of this funk infecting my afternoon.

The talk did wonders for me. After the talk, I started preparing a good dinner and getting ready for the Tuesday night support group conference call. Our overall focus tonight was "What do we do and NOT do in order to help us maintain consistency?" It was a good group discussion!

I felt absolutely empowered after the call tonight. One member, who is on Day 7 of her abstinence from sugar, stated "last week I didn't believe I could do it, now I know I can." <<<That right there...Oh my...The greatest feeling, my friend. It was one of many highlights from the group this evening.

I enjoyed a great dinner and then laced up my shoes for a good, albeit late, workout at the YMCA. I needed this workout more for the mental/emotional benefits than the physical. It did for me exactly what I needed it to do. I felt incredible afterward.

I'm hitting the pillow late tonight--but really, as much sleep as I've had in the past 28 hours--I likely would have laid awake if I had dropped any earlier. I feel like I had to fight today. I did fight. I don't like fighting. I wish it were easy-peasy every single day, but it's not. And that's okay. The important thing to be is self-aware. When it starts feeling like a struggle is coming on, it's imperative to acknowledge it and try to identify the source and if that takes too long to do, or isn't clear--then go straight to your defense mechanisms--call somebody for support--text someone, get out a pen and paper and write it out--anything...even hiding under the covers works, but honestly--dealing with it straight ahead is always best. I'm glad I did make the call for support after my midday slumber. It made a huge difference for me and the rest of my day/evening.

We must protect our journey with everything we can. It's too important. We're important and we're worth the effort. The easy days are awesome--they're the best, of course! But if this time is to be like no other--then on days when it isn't easy, we must be willing to fight for it like our life depends on it...because it truly does.
  
My Tweets today:














Thank you for reading and your amazing support,
I'm incredibly lucky and blessed,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, 27 October 2014

October 27th, 2014 Super Short Post

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October 27th, 2014 Super Short Post

I woke this morning, still sick, still feeling horrible and generally like crud. I took a sick day, except I absolutely had things that needed to be produced today, so I made it in for a little while today. If I do not feel 100% tomorrow, I'm making a doctors appointment.

I did eat more today and this general nausea isn't as bad as yesterday, so I suppose I'm getting better. I've decided to help this along with some more rest. I'll be in bed before 8pm tonight.

Instead of writing more tonight, or doing anything else--I'm going to bed.

My Tweets today:














Thank you for reading and your incredible support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, 26 October 2014

October 26th, 2014 My Brain Didn't Light Up Like A Pinball Machine

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October 26th, 2014 My Brain Didn't Light Up Like A Pinball Machine

I was up early this morning in order to drive a couple of friends to the airport in Wichita. I enjoy driving--especially when I'm alone, on the way back. I take that time to listen to things I enjoy, like NPR's TED Radio Hour Podcast. I highly recommend! I've learned some incredible things from some amazing people through TED.

As I made my way home, heading South on I-35, I started feeling a little more nauseous. I felt it slightly before I left my place--but suddenly, it was enough for me to notice and alter plans accordingly.

I needed to rest today. I hadn't planned on it. My plan was a trip to Stillwater to celebrate my birthday with family at one of my favorite little restaurants. I called mom and canceled, then let everyone else know too. After a quick stop at the store, I arrived home and dropped back in bed. But I couldn't sleep for whatever reason. I was hungry, but didn't necessarily feel like eating. I didn't want eggs.

I decided to prepare some rice chips, guacamole and some fat free-sugar free bean dip. Chips and dip, why not? Bad choices. Not calorie or nutrition wise--not at all, these were fabulous choices--just not on an unsettled stomach. I knew it probably wasn't the best plan as I tweeted "this could be a bad idea." I'll spare you the descriptive consequences of my bad idea. 

I was finally able to go back to sleep and I slept and slept, and then slept some more. I needed the rest. It seemed to help me feel better. I woke feeling much better, still not 100%, but much better.

I enjoyed a sugar free cupcake with Amber this evening. These were the cupcakes made with unsweetened apple sauce and Pyure Brand Organic Stevia. They did contain flour and real butter, but no sugar. My criteria was pretty simple: Absolutely no sugar and I need a calorie count. The professional bakery handled it perfectly. 155 calories of cupcake was worth it, every bite.

The best thing about the cupcake? My brain didn't light up like a pinball machine during or after eating. I wasn't compelled to eat another and another, and then another. I had one. And one was enough. It was enjoyable.

I wasn't going to eat anything else today--but then I started feeling much better, so I decided on a nice omelet for dinner. A pear was my #lastfoodofday. My calories checked in at 1,313. That's going to be good enough for me today.

My plans to workout today were also nixed. This has been one of my least active weekends in recent memory. Instead of beating myself up over lack of exercise the last four days, I'm choosing to extend a nice measure of self-compassion and understanding. It's a tricky balance, really. It's a fine line that separates self-compassion and understanding from excuses and laziness. I believe it all comes down to self-honesty. If the decision is tempered with some extreme self-honesty concerning the circumstances and those circumstances are evaluated for what's truly best for us in the moment, then good.

The melatonin is starting to kick in... I better hit the pillow.

My Tweets today:












Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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