Day 583 Exceeding Goals and Trying To Out-Peddle Insecurities

Day 583

Exceeding Goals and Trying To Out-Peddle Insecurities

I started this morning slightly before 4am by making the coffee and cooking some steel cut oats. I like the steel cut oats and I believe in the power of this wonderful food, but as you can tell around here, I prefer omelets loaded with mushrooms and cheese. The steel cut oats are clearly the better choice from a health standpoint, and I do feel great when I choose the oats over the eggs, but I don�t eat them everyday. I could however eat a veggie omelet everyday, no problem. I mixed a teaspoon of brown sugar and cinnamon into the oatmeal and topped it with a sliced banana. It was filling, was great with my coffee, and gave me a confident boost in my morning.

In the floor this morning, doing my non-weighted strength training---and attempting sit-ups, I had to stop when I pulled something in my side. It wasn�t anything major�nothing permanently disabling---just a cramp. I recognized it very well. It�s the same cramp I remember getting when I would attempt to fasten my seatbelt at over 500 pounds. I wasn�t able to fasten my seatbelt back then, but I can not only do it now�and I do every time I�m behind the wheel, I can do sit-ups too! I thought my six or seven bananas a week would keep me from getting a cramp�hmmmm.

I hardly ever get sick, but my sinus and chest congestion has reached the point of being infected, I�m pretty sure. I finished my morning show with a sinus headache and quickly decided that I needed a long lunch to recover. I�m such a wimp. After a couple of hours, I decided that I better make an urgent request for a sick day pass, take some more ibuprofen, and lay back down. I really should have made the trip to the doctor�s office. I didn�t---and I actually started to feel better later in the afternoon, and that was good. I had a fun workout planned---and at the risk of hearing about this from my employer, I decided to workout despite my less than healthy feeling. OK�Maybe that sick day turns into a half a vacation day.

My stated workout goals for today were pretty simple---Non-weighted strength training and a 5K walk/jog. I decided to take it a step further by riding my bike to the trail, doing the 5K, and riding back. It�s about a mile and a half to the trail from my apartment, so this plan added a 3-mile bike ride to the list.

I didn�t realize how self-conscious I would be on the bike. I climbed on and immediately started looking around for people that might be gawking at the fat guy on a bike. But---I no longer look like a morbidly obese person�I�m still a big guy, no doubt, but I shouldn�t look that out of place on the bike. At least not anywhere close to what my brain was telling me. And it wasn�t just that hang-up. Since I haven�t been on a bike ride since I was a pre-teen---I somehow felt like a little kid again. I know that�s crazy, adults ride all the time---my brain---geez, it�s a complicated mess sometimes.

I ignored my craziness and relaxed enough to enjoy the ride. It was an amazing feeling that I once thought would forever be a thing of the past. But there I was---peddling, even standing up to peddle a hill---that was me! I was lost in my enjoyment of riding a bike, when I was jolted back into my routine insecurities by a passing horn. Was it someone that knows me? Are they laughing? Pointing? I caught a glimpse of the horn honker long enough to determine that I wasn�t the target of their honking, no---I was just a normal active guy, riding a bike to the park. Nothing strange happening here, nothing to see! Move along now! I swear, I�m nuts sometimes. It would do me so much good to drop these stupid insecurities and just not care what people think of me. Oh, how that�s easier said than done. Just look at the mental abuse I�ve done to myself by being over 500 pounds for so long. I was physically and mentally abusing myself all those years. I�m betting that time and better fitness will heal my psychological wounds, if not---professional therapy could be in order.

I arrived at the trail, parked my bike---without locking it up---reminder to self: Buy a lock! I hit the trail for a 5K walk/jog, and really---It was mostly a brisk walk. I spent the entire time thinking about my bike ride and occasionally catching a glimpse of my waiting bicycle. I kept thinking about what I would do if someone hopped on it and started riding off. What could I do? I�d feel so bad. OK�I�ll be getting a lock. I usually try to jog a little more. Maybe I was afraid to over do it---knowing that I had no choice but to peddle back to the apartment. Considering that I was battling this horrible congestion and really didn�t feel like doing anything---I was proud of myself. My bicycle memories might be nearly 30 years old, but it all came back to me tonight. That freedom, the movement, the feel---it was like I had just peddled down to the Humpty Dumpty Grocery store in Stillwater with a single quarter in my pocket, ready to play that new video game sensation, Space Invaders!

I never have too much trouble making decent food choices, but when I have a good exercise day like today---I always do better. I came home and grilled up a chicken breast---grabbed some green beans---and later, when I realized I was 450 calories shy of my daily allotment, I stepped out for a six inch black forest ham from Subway. I just ordered the six-inch, even though for a dollar-fifty more, I could have had the whole thing---but my calorie budget couldn�t handle the whole thing. And a sandwich loaded with veggies---just loses something in the fridge overnight---oh yeah---it loses freshness---the crunch of the veggies---I gotta have that fresh crunch to really enjoy the veggies.

I think I�ll ride my bike to the hair stylist tomorrow and then to the YMCA for spinning class�we�ll see how the schedule goes. Thank you for reading! Goodnight and�

Good Choices,
Sean


A good breakfast: Steel cut oats with brown sugar and cinnamon, topped with banana.


My bike! No pictures riding just yet. I�ll find someone to snap some tomorrow. It�ll be good; I hope�yeah---yeah---It�ll be fine!

Oh--by the way---this is my 600th post to this blog! That's wild!