The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I exceeded my daily minimum 64oz water goal,

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Tuesday, 10 February 2015

Home » » February 10th, 2015 Am I Resisting?

February 10th, 2015 Am I Resisting?

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February 10th, 2015 Am I Resisting?

Sometimes the most interesting discussion is in the comments section of this blog. It always feels amazing to me when someone is positively affected by the experiences I share. I certainly write and maintain this blog for the continued benefit of my recovery, weight loss and maintenance, but I must say-- the positive effects of sharing is the most wonderful bonus and blessing.

In response to February 8th's post titled "Not Subject To Change," a dedicated and loyal supporter of this blog writes:

"HI Sean, I would love to know when you have had all these "a Ha" moments. Your statement you made in this blog really hit me hard, like most of your blogging has done recently. You said, " I would accept my imperfections.... You know the rest... God, How I wish I could get there. 
For the life of me I'm not sure why I can not get to that proud moment of what I've accomplished in the last year. Am I normal? Will I ever be proud of myself? Will I ever "get" it? Does the worry for you ever end? Meaning... for me, I wake up and go to bed ever night thinking the same things.. .can I continue this for the rest of my life? Can I find that place in my own head that relaxes and just take this in stride. I find I go one step forward and take two back. .... not in gaining, just in my inner thoughts. So my question to you is...are you having more of that inner peace this time than your first time losing? Sorry for all the questions! And thanks so much."

A response took some introspective examination of what I've experienced and how I've felt at various times throughout this journey. I know exactly what she's expressing here--it's very familiar.

My three part reply:

Don't give up, is number one.
You've accomplished incredible things in the last year. If you transferred all you've accomplished onto a piece of paper--in black and white--then, read it...But try your best to imagine you're reading the accomplishments of a friend or loved one. What would you say to them?
You're normal, my friend.
It's very common to do this to ourselves.
I'll reply more on this later tonight. :)

"Thanks for the kind words, Sean. I am going to do what you said and write down what I've accomplished over the last year. 
You are so right, if this was someone I had met on the street and told me what they've done, I would pat them on the back and give them the biggest congrats! Its time I open my eyes and mind a bit more and start reaching out for some much needed support. Thanks for the response. And no, I'm not giving up! :)"

Excellent start. Being proud of yourself and feeling good with you is an internal study and something that takes work. For me, what really helped was described in detail on May 15th, 2014's blog post--you can easily find it in the archives. Notice I used the word "helped." It's something that requires practice with intentional thought.

The constant worry--or obsessive thoughts, in my opinion--will decrease as your level of acceptance increases and you find the groove that works best for you. Acceptance comes when your resistance to the changes you're making lessens. And reaching the point of greater acceptance might mean you need to make some adjustments--It's all a part of finding what works for you. 

One of the things I've written about in the last several months is how it's important for me to have two streams of activity--life happens in the foreground--the base fundamental elements that keep me moving in a positive direction with my weight loss goals, happen in the background...It's important for these to keep their place...Because it's when they cross over into each other's streams when issues start to arise. In other words-- If I start sacrificing life because I'm so intensely focused on the fundamentals--then I'll quickly become worn and even resentful toward my trek.

And if I allow the ups and downs of life to dip down--affecting my fundamental elements--then I'm quickly crumbling...in other words--If I allow any disruption in my life to weaken my resolve in the name of stress and emotion--then I've allowed the 'life stream" to cross over into my "fundamental elements" stream.


The bottom line--You're making a commitment to yourself--you're setting your resolve, you're honoring yourself by taking extraordinary care. You deserve it. And that right there is a biggie--believing we truly deserve it. We do. Again--it takes work, but it's worth the effort.

Strong support is key. You're not alone. Don't isolate yourself. Explore support options!!

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If you have questions, feel free to ask me anything in the comments section. I promise I will take the time needed for a thoughtful response based on my experiences.
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Today was a good one. The Girl Scout Cookies on the conference table at work do not stand a chance against my resolve and commitment. I included @girlscouts in a tweet to say if they'll come out with a sugar free variety, I'd buy the first box! No reply from them, just yet. I'm positive it's not the first time they've received this request. I've probably consumed upwards of twenty to thirty boxes of Girl Scout Cookies in my life. I'm all about supporting the Girl Scouts and I proudly promote their cookie sales every year on my radio show, but for the rest of my life, I'll speak of their flavor from memory only. I remember how they taste. Oh yeah--they're good...real good.

Am I resisting? Yes and No.

"Resisting" something suggests it's an object of desire. I do not desire. And it isn't even about the cookies. It's about my abstinence from sugar.

Ask anyone who abstains from sugar (most I know of have successfully maintained weight loss) and they'll likely describe to you how a peace and clarity came over them when they decided to and started abstaining from sugar. Sugar abstinence isn't necessary for everyone. But for people like me, (and there's a bunch of us) it's usually regarded as one of the most important dietary/nutritional decisions they've ever made. That's how I feel about it. It's changed everything for me. It effectively disabled the "binge button."

I remember reading a post on the blog Prior Fat Girl, back when Jenn was writing it regularly. She would occasionally write about binge episodes and then one day she stopped writing about them. Her readers wanted to know if she was just not sharing those times or what? In the post, she described exactly what I've often shared here. She had given up sugar. And the binges stopped.

So whatever it is; cookies, candy, ice cream, cake--if it has sugar, there's no way in the world it tastes better than how this peace and clarity feels. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I enjoyed a fantastic workout at the YMCA this evening before a fast grocery trip and my weekly weight loss support group conference call. I cooked a delicious dinner after the call. I'm trying to stretch my culinary experience a little. I said a little. ;) It might seem like I eat the same things all the time--and I can see where you might get this, but I do occasionally mix it up a bit. In fact, mixing it up and trying new things even more, is a personal goal of mine in the coming weeks.

The bottom line for me: I love everything I eat. If I didn't, I wouldn't eat it, I assure you. I'm a picky eater, I suppose. A colleague has volunteered to bring Brussels sprouts for me to try on Thursday. She believes I might have the same experience I had with asparagus. I fell in love with asparagus after a lifetime of avoidance. I'll keep an open mind about the Brussels sprouts. We'll see what happens!

I just realized--for the first time in a couple months, I missed my water goal!! Oops! I could down a bottle right now before bed... Hmmm... I think I'll just be okay and do better tomorrow. 

photo YMCA20Kansas20City_zpsk6eonxou.jpg
Archived speaking engagement photo from the 2011 YMCA USA Mid-States Alliance Conference in Kansas City, MO.  I'm currently scheduling speaking engagement dates. For more information and availability, email: transformation.road@gmail.com

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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