The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I exceeded my daily minimum 64oz water goal,

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Friday, 30 January 2015

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January 30th, 2015 Beautifully Retroactive

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January 30th, 2015 Beautifully Retroactive

Getting up in time for my radio show was tough after the exceptionally late night. I was a little grumpy for the wear and it seemed like everyone around me wanted me to do what they needed me to do and I had little time to do what was already in front of me. It was a busy day. It wasn't a day where I could finish my show and crawl back into bed.

I've noticed a shift, though. Now, when I get into 'tired/irritable' mode, it doesn't seem to affect my resolve for taking extraordinary care. There was a time, not too long ago, when I couldn't say that at all. In fact, I clearly remember a time when any unsettling of my harmonious perception could/would send me into struggle mode. So, there's growth!

I had a location broadcast from 11am to 1pm today. Often times at these events, there's plenty of free food. Today was no exception. Except, it wasn't even a concern. I didn't reach out for support to help me through it, because 1/4 lb hotdogs and potato chips weren't the least bit appealing. My plan was to hold on until the broadcast finished, then pick up some grilled chicken and squash on the way home. That's what I did. And it was good! 

I believe it's important to recognize and give ourselves a little pat on the back when we notice these shifts in behavior. When we consider the fact that this road isn't necessarily about big victories, instead, it's all about the sum of a bunch of smaller victories--then we can truly appreciate, there's really no such thing as small victories.  Each one contributes to our trek in critically important ways.

I've been meaning to post #throwbackthursday "before" pictures every week--and so far, I've been wildly inconsistent with this plan. Yesterday's post was already packed, so I waited until now to post this photo of me at my absolute heaviest.  
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That is one of the most fake smiles I've ever mustered, I swear! I was normally a little better at flashing the "I feel horrible but since you're taking my picture I'm supposed to smile," smile. For whatever reason, I couldn't pull it off in this one. 

Another shift in perspective I've experienced is how I look at 'before' pictures. I held so much self-judgement, shame and an entire smorgasbord of other negative emotions back then and now, I can honestly look at the pictures with love, compassion and understanding. And not because I'm losing weight and feeling great. It's because it's me, there--that's me, heavier, sure--but it doesn't matter. No longer do I look at "old Sean" like he was a long ago friend who passed away. If I would have taken the time back then to let go of the self-imposed negative perspective, I could have discovered a love transcending appearance and perceived failures. It wouldn't have meant avoiding losing weight to improve health and taking better care in general, it would have meant freeing up mental clutter enabling me to move forward easier.

I can appreciate and feel that love now, and it's beautifully retroactive.
  
My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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