It just hit me out of the blue today, the thought, I'm maintaining the integrity of my recovery. I'm not binge eating. I'm not out of control. I'm holding sacred the elements I've put in place to help me along.
And this thought is what matters most. All of the other tweaks and adjustments I could/should/will make, all revolve around the above. I refer to this as 'recovery,' because that's exactly what it is. I'm not affiliated with any particular recovery organization, but this is what it is.
It's interesting, before the relapse and regain--and feeling so completely lost and hopeless, back when I was maintaining for that year and a half after hitting goal--I often referred to my "food addiction." But it wasn't until relapse and regain that I fully realized the depth. It was as if I needed to be shown the purest definition and experience of food addiction. I think a lot of what I associated with my food addiction prior, was emotional and stress eating. I'm not saying I wasn't a food addict before, I clearly was. But outside of morbid obesity, the fog had cleared, giving me an unfiltered experience of what was really going on.
I'm grateful for the experience. I needed it. This knowledge is what fuels my resolve this time around--and why I'm doing my best to protect it come what may. It's why I use the term, "sacred." It's that important to me.
As I try different things, like workouts and weight training--or different foods, or increased water--it's all good, because these elements are accessories to the foundation elements. I'm maintaining the integrity of my recovery. I'm not binge eating. I'm not out of control. I'm holding sacred the elements I've put in place to help me along.
The foundation elements mustn't change. If I suddenly stop writing, stop reaching out for support, start eating sugar, stop logging my food, weighing and measuring, that's when I'm in serious trouble. As long as I treat these foundation elements as non-negotiable, then I'm fine. I can add accessories to enhance my weight loss and fitness. When I'm discussing the foundation elements it isn't necessarily about weight loss and fitness, it's about recovery and balance. The weight loss is really a consequence of my recovery and balance. Optimizing my weight loss and fitness is a consequence of the added accessories.
The thought today was born from my natural reaction on weigh day mixed with incredible perspectives offered by others and my clear understanding of those perspectives. The bottom line is, as long as I'm taking exceptional care of the foundation elements, I'm winning. I can tweak my approach and add accessories along the way--and some will work, some may not, I'll lose slow, I might lose a little faster, I'll increase strength, I'll gain better fitness--regardless of the pace results come...I'm winning, because I'm maintaining the integrity of my recovery. I'm not binge eating. I'm not out of control. I'm holding sacred the elements I've put in place to help me along.
Today was a good day. I hit a crossroads close to 5pm when I needed to either get to the Y for a workout or make an alternate plan for exercise. I had an offer from a good friend for a home cooked meal and a movie out. So I negotiated an alternate plan. If I skipped the Y, then I would do a treadmill workout after the movie. I did a very brisk 25 minutes before the treadmill suddenly stopped and refused to start again. I thought I broke it! I think it just overheated, because it started working again about a half hour later. Thank goodness!
I needed to get out and enjoy a movie. I'm a fan of Mark Wahlberg's acting, so I really wanted to see The Gambler. Oh wow, it was intense. The overall theme was "all or nothing," no gray area, no middle ground. In the end, he was either going to die or claim his freedom. I understand this theme on a different, but equally powerful level.
My Tweets Today:
Good morning! Sugar free hazelnut creamer. 30 calories X 2 cups= 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/XbdOmsnyT6
� Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 9, 2015Breakfast tacos! 3 whl eggs, scrambled, two taco shells, topped w- 1/2 slice muenster in each, sauce. Apple. 480 cal. pic.twitter.com/7iedrkd1JO
� Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 9, 20152 cups. #wateraccountability pic.twitter.com/i26sNUSQKf
� Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 9, 2015FF/sf beanNcheese tostadas w-pink sauce (30g light sour cream+taco sauce), strawberries (184g), juicy pear. 510 cal pic.twitter.com/cpXtdoeT2p
� Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 9, 2015Slow on the water today. 2 cups. #wateraccountability pic.twitter.com/4Xb2PgalYu
� Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 10, 2015Burger & Fries! 6oz 96% lean hamburger steak w/diced white onion, grilled. Sweet potato fries (225g), apple. 490 cal pic.twitter.com/PvCitYEUsy
� Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 10, 20152 more cups. #wateraccountability at the movies! pic.twitter.com/eG9dyI6t72
� Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 10, 2015Evening coffee. Coffeemate non dairy creamer. 2 teaspoons. 20 cal. pic.twitter.com/MEukTkjW1Z
� Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 10, 2015Treadmill workout tonight. Too cold to go outside! #workouttime pic.twitter.com/CcWuXiyDox
� Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 10, 2015I thought I broke my friend's treadmill. At 25 minutes it stopped & wouldn't go again. I think it overheated! I checked & it's working now.
� Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 10, 2015Crust-less mushroom pizza. Mushroom cap (4.5oz), srv sugar free marinara, 1 slice mozz. 123 cal. #lastfoodofday pic.twitter.com/SctauBJuxM
� Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 10, 2015Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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