The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I exceeded my daily minimum 64oz water goal,

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Wednesday, 11 March 2015

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March 11th, 2015 Weigh Day Edition

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March 11th, 2015 Weigh Day Edition

I honestly didn't expect today's weigh-in. I'm not complaining, though. I was sick for over a week during this three week period and missed several workouts. Had it been less than half as much, I wouldn't have been the least bit surprised or disappointed. I truly believe the increased consistency in my water consumption has made a positive impact.
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Another seven pounds gone. It was the same amount as my forty-three week weigh-in. This brings the turnaround from relapse/regain total loss to one hundred forty-three pounds in forty-six weeks. I couldn't be more pleased with this progress.

I've never been one to attempt figuring out the particular consequences, or cause/effect dynamics of what I consume and the exercise I do. I just do what I do. This is what works for me. If I tried to plan it, I'd be stuck way back there, suffering from paralysis by analysis. I have four or five rules that are non-negotiable and the rest are as flexible as I feel on any particular day.

I'm incredibly blessed and immensely grateful. I have much to be thankful for along this road.

A couple of friends and loyal supporters of what I do recently expressed the perception that I never seem to have struggle or off days. Contrary to this perception, I absolutely have off days. The difference, I believe, comes with awareness followed by support.

Like I've written before, if you stripped me of the various accountability and support elements I rely on each and every day, I'd be done. I'm not that strong, my friend, I assure you. People successfully navigate this journey every day without most of the pillars I use--and I'm in awe of those people. They're the super strong ones.

It's okay to not be strong. We're not super-human. We're real people. It's okay. Most of us relate with this lack of strength. It doesn't mean we're doomed, It just means we must consider, then implement necessary structural and foundation plans to help us along the way. These come in a variety of forms and can be mixed and matched to fit. Your non-negotiable elements, the things you're making an iron-clad decision about, need good support. And support is out there, from your personal spiritual relationship to your BFF, to groups like TOPS, Weight Watchers and OA. We each find the combination that works for us, as a unique individual.

I've had days where I'm not feeling it at all. Days where I don't feel like doing anything positive. Perhaps it's the inner self-destruct mode trying to come undone.  It's in those moments when I also feel like my food sobriety is most threatened. Pausing, just long enough to assess what's really happening, then reaching out to a support buddy via text or call, or both, reinforces the honest conclusions taking shape.

The popular H.A.L.T. acronym comes in to play in these circumstances. Am I too hungry, angry, lonely or tired? All of these things can trick me into thinking excess food is the solution to the problem. I could certainly add a few letters. Am I experiencing job stress, financial stress or not feeling well? Is it just a bad day all around?

I've had several examples over the last 46 weeks where excellent awareness and support saved my tail. The biggest being a particular Friday night last fall.

It was an emotional night. Something I felt could have been so good, came to an abrupt end. Realizing the heaviness of what had just happened left me sitting in my car at a loss. What just happened and how could it have been prevented?

It was too late and I knew it. In hindsight, it was the correct direction for all involved, but that night, my brain didn't think so. My brain was convinced a pint of full fat, full of sugar ice cream and a spoon would be the perfect medicine. I was alone, it was getting late--I was literally sixty-seconds away from access to my drug of choice.

No spoon? I have fingers. And yes, I've eaten a pint of ice cream in my car with my fingers on one occasion. It's been a long time, but yeah--that happened. To be clear, the cheap plastic spoon from the convenience store broke as I was forcing it to scoop out the first dose. I needed the ice cream and fingers seemed to be the best option. I learned from that experience: Always grab a few extra cheap plastic spoons.

I remember having a similar near breakdown on Day 60 of my initial weight loss, in fact, I wrote about the experience in my book. This particular experience was much more intense because so much more was riding on this one. My solid turnaround didn't feel solid in those moments. It felt like it was melting away, sliding through my fingers, until....HALT!!!

Had I not stopped for a moment in fear of what I was about to throw away, I wouldn't have sent the text to or called Life Coach Gerri for some much needed outside perspective. I needed a perspective unaffected by the emotions of the night. Gerri put a spotlight on all the right points. Suddenly I felt strong again. I wasn't alone, ever and everything was going to be okay, even if being okay meant embracing a different set of emotional circumstances.

The pint of ice cream didn't happen, thank God. I was so relieved hitting the pillow that night feeling like I had straight up dodged a bullet.

When your personal awareness is turned up and it's tempered with an extra helping of self-honesty, the old excuses and rationalizations lose their power to control the situation. They still try their best... 

Look how well you're doing--really, one pint of ice cream isn't going to kill you. You need this. It's comforting for goodness sake, just eat the dang ice cream already!!! You'll feel so much better!!

And you know what? For some it's harmless. For people NOT like me, that pint of ice cream might be largely inconsequential; exactly the pleasure needed for a night like this one.

For me, it would have been the beginning of the end, again. 

Off days and struggles are all a part of this journey we're experiencing. How we choose to react to them is the difference. And if we take the time to establish our support system, however we can, then we have a foundation of support for the kind of choices and reactions that give us a better chance for success.
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I'll let the Tweets share the details of the day. It was good! Great weigh day, excellent food and a wonderful workout. My dinner tonight--oh my, incredibly delicious and filling--check it out below!

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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