The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I exceeded my daily minimum 64oz water goal,

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Saturday, 13 December 2014

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December 13th, 2014 New Pair of Jeans Day

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December 13th, 2014 New Pair of Jeans Day

I was getting ready for a Saturday morning location broadcast from a grocery store when I noticed how I was constantly pulling up my pants. I looked in the big mirror and realized I was long overdue for a smaller size. This revelation was a nice way to start a Saturday.

I don't typically buy things for myself, easily. I don't know why, but I just don't. As I studied my saggy britches in the mirror, I decided--today would be a new pair of jeans day.

I prepared a good breakfast before departing for the massive meat sale at the grocer twenty minutes from where I live. I no longer dread being out in public. At my heaviest regain point, I was incredibly mean to myself and totally ashamed to have let things go so horribly. The worst was running into people who had read my book and blog, then brutalizing myself with assumptions on what they must have thought upon seeing me. 

One of the very important shifts in perspective I had to make before my recovery could start, was forgiveness and self-compassion. I truly had to stop terrorizing myself with self-hatred over the weight gain and what amounted to an insane back and forth of control, followed by chaos. I had to recognize, if I kept beating myself up, then I would keep holding myself down. I didn't deserve that kind of treatment. It had to stop. I had to forgive myself. Doing this enabled me to get to the point where the epiphany of May 15th occurred. Finally, I could accept myself at whatever weight and truly believe--authentically realize, no matter my size, I'm an awesome person. Losing weight doesn't make me a better person. Gaining weight doesn't make me a bad person. 

Stepping out in public for a broadcast or for whatever reason, is much easier without all of the self-imposed negative energy. The weight loss can't exclusively take credit for this shift. The self-worth/identity epiphany has changed the way I see myself--and the way I treat myself.

I didn't have time to shop for jeans prior to my broadcast, so I patiently waited and headed straight to the department store as soon as I finished. Naturally, I started looking in the big and tall section.

I looked and looked--and then stopped. I had this thought recently while out with mom, but I wasn't ready to buy anything. And it was an afterthought then, like--you know what? I bet I couldn't find my size because it's not considered big and tall anymore!! Today, it hit me fairly quickly--the thought, I don't need to be in this section anymore. All of these jeans are too big!! I quickly made my way over to the 'healthy size' section and found a good pair. This was a big deal to me. I've worked very hard to fight back, turning the direction of my life and health around. The smaller number on the scale is nice. But shopping for jeans in the regular sizes section is better. It was a sweet reward for the effort and importance level I've given this journey.

I took it easy today. I enjoyed a nice nap, prepared a unique dinner and spent time visiting with my soon to be 25 year old daughter. What??? Is that even possible? She turns 25 on January 4th. She gets married soon, too. I swear, I'm only 43! I really treasure the relationship I have with both my daughters. It's special.

My Tweets Today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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