The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I exceeded my daily minimum 64oz water goal,

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Saturday, 27 December 2014

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December 27th, 2014 I'm Not Ready For This Tough Topic

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December 27th, 2014 I'm Not Ready For This Tough Topic

I tried to start writing this post earlier today. I couldn't do it. I need more time to be okay enough to explore the relationship dynamics after a dramatic transformation. The demise of my last relationship is too fresh.

I do believe it's different for everyone and most of the differences have to do with personal self-image and confidence issues and sometimes these lead to an unquenchable thirst for confirmation, validation, intimacy and an over-need to feel desired...as if a constant reminder is needed to fight off all of the lifelong inner dialogues to the contrary.

When you spend the majority of your life convinced you're the most unattractive/undesirable person in any particular room, this superficial way of self-condemnation doesn't simply vanish when the pounds drop and the reflection in the mirror changes. It's tragically easy to forget all of the reasons someone might be attracted to you, things that have little to do with the superficial stuff--and everything to do with the critically important stuff.  It just takes time, I suppose, and a lot of inner work.

I still have work to do. 

I've made incredible strides with self-worth/identity and I see and feel the differences my May 15th epiphanies gifted me, all the time. I truly recognize all of the wonderful things that make me who I am--and I celebrate and nurture those things. I have an extraordinary level of love and compassion for others. It's a deeply ingrained, automatic thing for me, to care about people. (If you are new to this blog and you haven't read the May 15th and May 19th entries, please go back in the archives along the left hand sidebar and select those dates).

But still, to feel worthy of love, to believe you're okay in a relationship--to simply allow a good thing to be a good thing, is very tough. 

And if you're struggling with these issues and choosing to not discuss them, instead repressing them--then they will eventually manifest into relationship ruining issues. I've experienced it more than once.

That's more than I wanted to write about this tonight because I'm just not ready to explore the topic in depth. It is a very important topic. And I'll revisit it another time, soon. I just can't tonight.

I made a point to prepare all three of my meals today. I did some decent cooking! I found myself moping around my apartment a little too long, so I pushed myself out the door and to the YMCA for a much needed workout. I always feel so much better after a great workout.

I'm looking forward to traveling back to my hometown tomorrow with my youngest daughter and grandson. We're meeting up with my oldest daughter and her boyfriend as we all get together for one more Christmas celebration. We'll exchange gifts and visit for awhile. And we'll take plenty of pictures of the cutest little guy in the world!

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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